The Sports Bizzo

By Toph…

OK, maybe they’re not your Texas Rangers, but they’re someone’s right? I’ve admitted both privately, and finally publicly, that I loathe the Rangers. I have been a Yankees fan for quiet sometime now, and that’s OK. However, since the Rangers are my hometown team, I can’t help but to follow their goings-on. Let’s ask ourselves, is there a bigger train wreck of a team in sports? I’m not talking about right now either. No, I mean in the history of sports. I’d like to make the case, right in the middle of another 7 game losing streak (the longest losing streak dating all the way back to ‘05), that the Texas Rangers are the worst team in the history of professional sports.

Let’s start with the obvious. The Texas Rangers have never been to a World Series. There are only 4 teams in the MLB who has never been to the World Series. The other 3 are the Tampa Bay Rays (in existence since 1998), Seattle Mariners, and the Montreal Expos/Washington Nationals. Obviously, the Rays don’t count, because 10 years is not enough to be factored in. The Mariners have won 2 American League Divisional Series, which is 2 more than the Rangers. The Expos/Nationals won a playoff series in 1981, and are widely “considered” the champs of the 1994 strike-shortened season. Then you have the Rangers, who have never won a playoff series. How is this even possible? I’ll give some credit, in 1994 the Rangers were in 1st in the standings, but again, the strike prevented the postseason. What followed was a sad, pathetic string of facing the Yankees in the playoffs. In their first meeting in ‘96 the Rangers did manage to get a win. They returned to the playoffs consecutively in ‘98 and ‘99 only to get swept by the Yankees.

In the history of the Texas Rangers, a history that began as the Washington Senators in 1961, they have won 1 playoff game. We’re talking about 47 years with only 1 playoff win. But, the argument I’m trying to make here isn’t just with the Rangers. It’s with the history of professional sports. Let’s take ESPN’s “10 Worst Franchises to be a Fan of” and compare. Granted, this list is relatively old, it’s still a good point of reference, and most of the franchises are still terrible.

10. Boston Bruins - The Bruins hold 4 Stanley Cups, with their last coming in the 1971-1972 season. This alone takes them out of the running.

9. Florida Marlins - I don’t care if they do purchase a team then sell them off the next year. Point is, the team they purchase ends up winning the World Series. The Marlins came into existence in 1993, and have already won 2 World Series. This is not even fair.

8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Again, how is this even fair? Never mind that they were consistently in the playoffs from 1996 to last year, they won the Super Bowl in 2002.

7. New Jersey Nets - Seriously, this isn’t even hard. Anytime you at least go to a Finals, you’re not classified as a loser. I wish the Rangers could be realistically compared to these teams. It would make this a more interesting read. I thought it would be, I’m sorry. Keep reading anyways. I’m sure it gets better.

6. New York Islanders - Oh, come on! I really thought this would get better. Anytime you have a team that went through dynasty years, winning 4 Stanley Cups you don’t belong in this conversation. I don’t care if it was 40 years ago.

5. Kansas City Royals - Luckily, I didn’t say in the past 10 years, because the Royals have a legitimate argument. However, in the late 70’s and early 80’s the Royals were a good team. This includes 4 ALCS appearances, a World Series appearance in 1980 and a World Series win in 1985. Because of this their recent struggles don’t matter.

4. Arizona Cardinals - This was a team that worried me, but again, they’re not as bad as the Rangers. I’m not even going to mention the incredible movie that was made about an athlete and his agent, because that alone makes them better. I’m also not even going to mention their success before relocating to Tempe. I’m only going to talk about them beating the Cowboys in 1998. This is what I call advancing in the playoffs.

3. Los Angeles Clippers - This is another team I was frightened of because they are terrible. Since moving to LA in 1984, they had their first winning season in the 1991-1992 season. The Clippers went to the playoff sthat year, and won 2 games of 3. One more playoff win than the Rangers. They also returned the next year, and again won 2 games of 3. Then, in 2005-2006 season, they won their first playoff series against Denver 4 games to 1. Plus, they have Frankie Muniz as a fan.

2. Cincinnati Bengals - They’ve been to 2 Super Bowls, and had an Icky Shuffle. Anytime you have a nationwide dance phenomenon you can’t be in the rankings.

1. Chicago Cubs - Sure, they haven’t won a World Series since 1908. But, they did beat the Braves in the 2003 NLDS. This alone makes them better off than the Rangers.

Now, this can’t be all, right? No, let’s look at some also receiving votes.

- Detroit Lions - Sorry, they also beat the Cowboys in the first round in 1991.

I’m pretty close to making my point, even though you probably believe me already. I’m not quite finished. The Rangers have had good, exciting players. For some reason, these guys just couldn’t get it done. Even in the 90’s they were running out Juan Gonzalez, Pudge Rodriguez, Rusty Greer and the like. They had Nolan Ryan! Ruben Sierra, Alex Rodriguez, Dean Palmer, Rafael Palmeiro, Steve Buchele and Pete Incaviglia. Since Tom Hicks took over they have been in the top 5 of major league spending every year. They had a rotation in the 90’s of Nolan Ryan, Charlie Hough, Bobby Witt, Kevin Brown, and Kenny Rogers. This is a good staff that couldn’t get it done. Here were are, over 10 years later, and they still can’t get it done. The have signed free agents and made decent deals for prospects, including last year’s trade of Mark Teixiera for 5 Atlanta prospects. However, here they are mired in losing.

At this point, it’s not like things are looking up, either. They’re currently in last, 8 games back, and have no signs of looking up. Since 1999, they haven’t finished hirer than 3rd, and they have no plans to start. They’re a sad miserable franchise, and it’s not going to change until they sign Rick “Wild Thang” Vaughn, Jake Taylor and Willy Mays Hayes (possibly Pedro Cerrano). Hope you’re not a Rangers fan. If so, it’s going to be a long road of suck ahead.