The Sports Bizzo

By Jon…

Well, it’s been a week or so since I posted on the Bizzo, it’s been a pretty boring week in sports. Arguably, Big Brown winning the Preakness was the most exciting story, but Toph is our senior Horse Racing/Gambling writer, which has left me with little to write about.

But that’s all about to change with two Game 7s in two days. So to actually make it interesting and worth sitting through: a running diary.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Jon, you’ve already done a running diary. You did it for the NFL Draft, remember?”

And then I would say, “Yeah, I know.”

On with the running diary:

2:30- The intro song was called, “Nine Lives”. It was performed by Tim McGraw. FINALLY! What took them so long to hook up. I like to think it’s because Tim McGraw didn’t feel he should pay full price for a one-armed drummer.

2:37- I’ll start once I can see through the fog left over from the pyrotechnic display.

2:42- Timeout. I’m doing some research on Paul Pierce’s nickname, “The Truth”. I think Shaq gave it to him. I think, like every boxer, every basketball player needs a nickname. I vote Wally Szcerbiak be nicknamed, “The Question”.

2:49- Cleveland’s getting smoked right now. It’s 14-4.

3:00- Just found the origin of “The Truth”. It was Shaq who gave it to him. Here’s the LINK. Shaq’s quote is pretty funny.

3:03- It’s 18-13 at the end of the first quarter.

3:04- I’m not a huge comic book fan, but Edward Norton in the new “Incredible Hulk” looks pretty bad ass. I think it’s funny that they’re remaking it so soon after the last one. Years from now, some kid’s gonna go rent the Ang Lee version instead of the the new one, and he’ll be as confused and disappointed as I was when I went to rent, “The Mask” with Jim Carrey, and ended up renting, “Mask”, with Cher and the horse-faced kid.

3:13- The Cavaliers look completely lost. They’ve thrown away two passes in a row.

3:14- I almost wish the Mavs had hired Jeff Van Gundy like Toph wanted. Then I wouldn’t ever have to listen to him call another game.

3:25- Lebron is well into, “I’m gonna have to do this all by myself, aren’t I?” mode.

3:28- Oooh, almost a fight between Eddie “The Brick” House and Delonte “We wouldn’t even be here if we played in the” West. Ahh..they broke it up. That’s lame. They called double technicals.

3:32- I understand the earthquake in China was an awful tragedy and Yao Ming should be the one to do the public service announcement, but hearing Yao say “Wed Cwoss” four times, sent me into fits.

3:48- Bit of a shootout developing between Paul Pierce and Lebron. And as soon as I say that Paul Pierce goes down with a possible ankle injury.

3:58- It’s 50-40 at the half. Pretty boring game so far.

3:59- I can’t stand Jon Barry. I just can’t.

4:05- Jon Barry just got totally owned by Stuart Scott. He’s interviewing Chauncey Billups about the East Finals. He brought up a Game 7 Billups played in a few years back, and asked if he knew how many points he scored. Then he asked him how many points Jon Barry scored in that game. The answer: Billups 37, Barry 4. Take him down a peg, Stu.

4:21- Cavs down three, and Lebron didn’t actually have to do it all himself. Can you imagine how good the Cavs would be if he had even one quality teammate?

4:27- Lebron just nailed two shots in a row, but Paul Pierce is matching him shot for shot. Pierce- 33, Lebron- 30.

4:44- End of the 3rd Quarter. It started out well, but was pretty boring for the most part. The 4th quarter better be good. I hope it’s at least close, otherwise I’ll have wasted 3 hours of my time, and about 7 minutes of yours.

4:52- They should just call this what it is, “Winner gets to lose to Detroit in the next round.”

4:54- After a foul call, the entire Boston crowd is chanting, “Bullshit”.

5:03- They should just let Lebron and Paul Pierce play one-on-one. Everyone is else is in the way.

5:17- Alright, five point lead with 2:35 left, let’s see if this gets interesting.

5:19- Ooh, Lebron just stole it and dunked at the other end to make it a one point game.

5:22- Lebron had to settle for a 3, bad possession. And now P.J. Brown’s knocking down 18 foot jumpers.

5:26- Jumpball with a minute left. There’s another pileup on the court. Pierce grabs it and calls a timeout. You see, Chris Webber, that’s how you call a timeout.

5:30- It might be over now. 18.8 seconds, and it’s now a 5 point game

5:33- Lebron shanked a free throw. Still down by four. He should’ve taken the three on the possession before.

5:38- Celtics win. Despite what ESPN tells you, this game was boring. Neither of these two teams has a chance against the Pistons.

Eastern Conference Finals- Pistons in 6

Let’s hope tomorrow’s Game 7 is a lot better.