The Sports Bizzo

By Jon…

We here at The Mendoza Line have a few steadfast rules we follow in our weekly selection. And they are as follows:

1. Your last name must be Mendoza to make the final decision.
2. You must write for the The Bizzo.

Pretty much makes me the be all and end all. However…I am open to suggestions. And this week’s selection was just that.

At the behest of Toph, this week’s choice for the Mendoza Line….

Danica Patrick.

Whoa, whoa, relax D. Piddy. It might turn out to be a good thing. No need to charge at me like I’m Ryan Briscoe…

What’s that Danica? Of course, I’m lucky security stopped you. Uh-huh…would you at least hear me out?

You see, Danica, I’ve only been doing the Mendoza Line for two weeks, and every time I pick one, they do really kick-ass the following week. Lebron James scored 45 points after he read my article. Robert Horry made a big shot in Game 7 against the Hornets after I straight told him to his face (I was looking at his player card on ESPN.com) that he was old and washed up.

Think of the possibilities, Danica. After receiving notification from your people that I bestowed you with this most dubious of honors, you find me in a dark alley, or at least a dimly lit section of HEB, and you give me what’s coming to me. You’re all fired up going into next week, or month’s race (I have no idea how frequently they race) and you win a race…in America…where we can see it. (For all we know, the race you won in Japan could have been a MarioKart tournament.)

Or, or, or…how about this?

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. When The Biz becomes huge, here in about, 3-4 months, and we’re a multi-billion dollar institution, we’re gonna sponsor our very own IndyCar race. Here’s the catch, and you must keep this secret:

We’re gonna flip the race around backwards, so the whole race is made of, get this, right turns.

I know, I know, it’s crazy, but trust me, it’ll work.

Then, not only will you be the first woman to win multiple IndyCar races, you’ll be the first ever DRIVER, who just so happens to be a woman, to win the BIZackwards 500 sponsored by TheSportsBizzo.com.

Here’s to you Danica, the first recipient to cross the Mendoza Line.