The Sports Bizzo

By Ted…

My fellow Bizzoist may be entirely against me on this one, and not without reason, but let’s face it even after the Celtics’ inevitably abysmal performance in Detroit this will be a Lakers – Celtics final. Why? Because history demands it, and because NBA Commish David Stern will do anything short of playing the games himself to ensure it. And what’s more you will watch this series, even if only (as GQ magazine suggests) to avoid seeing Sex and The City the movie (a film whose ranking amongst working-class white males is almost as nightmarish as Barack Obama’s).

As much as I love the Mavs, their chance to win was two years ago against Miami. I remember screaming at them in the final games of the series, “if you a-holes don’t win now, don’t expect to be back next year!” I hate myself for being right, but they are a quickly aging team. Even more so now that phenomenal, if not somewhat geriatric, Jason Kidd is back on the team. Don’t get me wrong I want them to be the best, but I’ve been hurt too many times to believe.

Furthermore, I see no validation in having the Spurs show up in the finals. Being from Texas does not make us pals Tim Duncan, so stop calling me! San Antonio is the taint of Texas whose biggest draw is an open sewage line crowded with the kinds of restaurants catering to people more interested in buying t-shirts than cuisine, and an historical landmark commemorating a sobering defeat… to Mexico. Remember the Alamo? Yeah, we lost, get over it. So maybe I’m a little bitter. (My apologies to anyone with the unfortunate burden of loving San Antonio).

Are the Spurs and Pistons generally underappreciated teams? Sure, but they’ve been to the playoffs plenty in recent years and a rematch would prove nothing to me. Would they be good games? Yes. Would they play really hard and show lot’s of team spirit? Yes, Disney could easily make a movie about either one of these big-hearted underdogs. Are their teams built from good draft picks and unlikely pick-ups instead of shady trades? Absolutely, Kevin McHale couldn’t wait to give Boston a chance with KG and the Lakers got Gasol for a pair of Hannah Montana tickets and a gift card to Chili’s. Is any of this going to stop the march of history? Unlikely, and besides if the teams that deserve to go went every year, then Miami would be banished from the game and we’d be talking about the New York Knickerbockers dynasty.
But more to the point, you have the chance to see Kobe Bryant, a man who at the start of the season wanted to be traded so badly he was doing the paperwork himself, play against Kevin Garnett who’s been dying to play for a real NBA team his entire career. Plus you get all that bonus footage of Magic and Larry Byrd eating nachos and hitting on cheerleaders.

So open a beer and tell your grankle-pappy that you’re going to see the biggest rivalry of the NBA played out in this year’s final. But remember history is just as much about the tragedies as it is the victories.