The Sports Bizzo

Shay’s preview of the AFC East

A cheater, a rat, a tuna, a living legend, a’brickashaw. Welcome to the circus. And like a circus, the AFC East could be considered the best time in the league. A division that has produced an AFC championship game team 5 times in 8 years. A division that has produced the Super Bowl Champion more than any other division in football this decade. But don’t forget the sideshow tent where the bearded lady happens. A division that gave us the first chance at a winless team since ’76. This is no mediocre division. This is feast or famine. This is the AFC East.

New England Patriots - Record: 13-3 - AFC East Division Champs

How do you recover from an undefeated season that ends in a loss because a receiver learns to catch a pass with his helmet? Let’s start by having a QB and receiver, both of which could be the best in the league at their position. Maybe they’re not stealing signals this season, but the Patriots will still have one of the strongest offenses in the league. However, they didn’t seem to make any major addition in the offseason to improve the team and some key losses on defense could make a difference.

Other than not cheating this season, it looks like the Patriots will go into this season the same way they’ve gone into seasons past: people talking about how some part of their team is too old, wondering if this is the year that Brady gets hurt, trying to find some way to talk about the Patriots formula that will make it new and exciting. But it’s not exciting. We all know that the Patriots will do well this season, just like they do most seasons.

Important additions: Easy schedule.

Important losses: Asante Samuel, Randall Gay, play signal tapes.

Prediction: 13-3*. The Pats have been to four superbowls in the decade and have won each Superbowl in which they did not go in undefeated. Time to take up losing games again.

Buffalo Bills - Record: 8-8 - 2^nd Place

There have been fundamental flaws within the Buffalo Bills organization for quite a few years. How could you ever run a guy at quarterback whose name is even phonetically similar to loss-man? Luckily, the Bills have chosen to go with second year quarterback Trent Edwards. Bold move. But this is a team that for a long time hasn’t made enough moves and hasn’t done enough to have a chance. Sure it’s tough when the Patriots are in your division. But the highlight of last season was when we realized that the guy who almost died and would definitely be crippled for the rest of his life for your mediocre team, wouldn’t be nearly as crippled as we all thought. That’s rough.

They do have some bright spots with a lot of reasonably talented youth on the offense. Marshawn Lynch looked good last year. They’re looking at a decent receiving core and have added college’s most explosive return man in Leodis McKelvin. And they did make a few moves to add some veterans to the defense. But did you know Dick Jauron has had only one season in which the team he was coaching for had a winning season since making his debut as coach in 1999? I didn’t either. In fact, the only reason I do know that is because I had to look up who actually coached the Bills. Maybe that means I’m not qualified to write this article, but if you ask me, I think it means Dick Jauron might not be qualified to be an NFL head coach.

Important additions: rookie James Hardy, Marcus Stroud, Kawika Mitchell, rookie return man Leodis McKelvin

Important losses: It’s the Bills.

Prediction: 8-8*. The Jets don’t give up the wins as easily this season and the Patriots aren’t planning on giving any away either.

New York Jets - Record: 7-9 - 3^rd Place

I thought New York City had finally managed to get it right by shipping one white guy football player who was way to full of himself to New Orleans, but leave it up to the Jets to bring a new one in. The problem with being a living legend is that by the time you get that designation, you’re usually not any good anymore. Brett Favre hasn’t had a good QB in his division since Daunte Culpepper had knees and now he’ll be dealing with Brady twice a season. I’m sure all the of the Jet’s big wigs saw the Boston Celtics make a few key additions of old, but good veterans and have a championship brought to their doorstep. But Minnesota never thought that KG shouldn’t be a starter anymore and, until Brett Favre becomes a shut down corner and proves he’s not washed up like Green Bay obviously thinks he is, the Jets may be in for an unhappy outcome.

On the plus side, it looks like the Jets have made strong moves to keep the re-animated corpse of the NFL’s all-time interception leader up on its feet. They have a solid line put together with Ferguson, Faneca, Mangold, and newcomer Damien Woody. It’s too bad Thomas Jones is the best they’ve got at RB. Defensively, I’m sure they’re hoping that Gholston starts making a lot of progress quickly to give them an actual defensive playmaker.

All in all, this is a team that last season had all of 4 wins. And two of those wins came against the Dolphins. It’s a lot of sports writers’ and fans’ belief that Favre is going to make a huge difference and give his team a playoff shot. Did any of these people see the Jets last season?

Important additions: Brett Favre, Bubba Franks, Alan Faneca

Important losses: 3rd or 4th round draft pick to the Packers.

Prediction: 7-9*. I’m not even putting this one on the Madden Curse, I just don’t think they’ll be that good.

Miami Dolphins - Record: 4-12 - Last Place

Can Bill Parcells get out of the first round with an owner that’s not willing to spend money as opposed to his set up with Jerry Jones? Or will this season for the Dolphins be Isaiah Thomas-esque with a mere four wins garnering contract extensions for GM’s, coaches, and players alike? I feel deep down that the Dolphins are set to have more wins this season than they did last season.

But who on this team is going to Dance with the Stars? Jason Taylor was the one player on the team that you would of thought about convincing Madden ‘09’s AI to trade you. Now the Dolphins are left with surgically repaired arms of Chad Pennington and the blackened lungs of Ricky Williams. I’d like to put in a formal request that every season or two the Dolphins take a quarterback who, after a surgery or two, is let go by the team that knows they don’t have it anymore. If a coach would walk out on his contract as well, that would be fantastic.

I could spend some time talking about how the Dolphins are slowly putting the pieces together with a bunch of young, athletic players who have real potential or some crap like that, but I’ll have the decency to restrain myself. Instead I’ll leave you with a simple reminder: should someone try to convince you to bet on this team, just walk away from that person.

Important additions: Chad Pennington

Important losses: Jason Taylor

Prediction: A respectable 4-12* season. I’d give them six wins if they got to play themselves twice a year. They managed to take themselves out of games enough times last season to be pretty good at it by now.

* all teams records inflated by playing the NFC West.