The Sports Bizzo

Toph Preview’s the NFC East

Who’s the lucky guy with the best division in football? This guy. Covering the NFC East is a daunting task for anyone who’s a complete homer, which I am. Now I have to turn a slight biased eye when the Eagles, Giants and Redskins play. (OK, so maybe it’s only going to be when I write about the teams.) Of course, my hometown biased will come in to play when I declare to world in this week’s podcast that the Cowboys are my Super Bowl champion pick. But, really, is anyone surprised by this?

Thank God football season is here. I can almost smell the stale popcorn and taste the disgusting Bloody Mary’s of The Final Final, our sports bar of choice. There’s nothing better than waking up at 8am (earlier than I do for work) and catching the 21 bus (which is now the Pacman Jones bus) to drink and root for the Boys. Don’t worry, I’m not the most annoying fan there. No, that award goes to the awful Bears fans. Have fun with Kyle Orton.

When you cover the NFC East, you find it hard to forget that last year’s Super Bowl champs was actually the New York Giants. Strange isn’t it? You also have to remind yourself that the Eagles could put something together and make a run. Lastly, you have to make sure you tell yourself that even though Jason Taylor ruined his offseason with Dancing With The Stars, he could be a factor with the Redskins. (This just in… Jason Taylor is injured… hummm…) Now… let’s get to the preview.

Dallas Cowboys - Record: 12 - 4 - Super Bowl Champions

Disappointment the last 2 years?! Pshaw… Here’s an idea, rest of the NFL. Why don’t you let your undrafted 2nd string QB take over your team in the middle of the year? In a year and a half tell me where your team is, OK? Disappointment? Kidding me?

Here’s the good news, the Cowboys got better. Tank Johnson is here for the whole year, and he’s been looking mean as shit. I know you’ve been watching Hard Knocks, and you’re scarred of him. Hell, I am, too. The Cowboys defense will be sick. This is a defense that added Zach Thomas, Adam Jones and drafted Mike Jenkins out of South Florida. It’s damn near possible the whole Defense could be headed to the Pro Bowl. I get boners just thinking about it.

The Offense is planning on opening up the playbook this year. It’s enough to make me want to crap my pants, and I don’t have to plan a defensive scheme against them. Romo and Co. has looked good in the preseason (minus a few blunders), and they will light it up this year. Just draft as many as you can in your fantasy draft. Julius Jones has gone to Seattle, but in his place is rookie RB Felix Jones. As Jon likes to say, Felix will be the lighting to Marion Barber’s thunder. Or is it the other way around? Regardless, they will be a great compliment to the already stellar passing game. Don’t worry that they don’t have a big named #2 receiver yet. Patrick Crayton will do more than he needs to as the #2. Plus, with Hurd and Austin, the Boys are going to be OK. Plus, you can’t tell me you’re not more than OK with Witten being the #2 target, right?

And, how much do you love Jason Garrett’s dad? Hard Knocks rules.

I did pick them to lose a few, but honestly, I’m just trying to be judicial, and have no plans to do the math to make sure the records make sense.

Philadelphia Eagles - 10 - 6 - Wildcard

This is one of those shot in the dark kinds of predictions. Have they gotten any better? Well, as long as McNabb and Westbrook are healthy, then they’re better. Sure, this is a team that lost Kearse (underachiever) and Takeo Spikes (who’s only good in Madden), but they did get CB Asante Samuel. They’ve also added DT Trevor Laws out of Notre Dame, who will replace Kearse, as well WR DeSean Jackson out of Cal. Expect DeSean Jackson to do big things. He was all they talked about in the Bay Area last year, and Cal is now paying my wife’s salary. Since I went to such a crappy school, I’m totally jumping on the Cal bandwagon.

Go ahead and draft Brian Westbrook #2 in your fantasy draft. If you think Adrian Peterson is going to be better, youse dumb. If you’re playing the Vikings, don’t you put 12 guys in the box? What else are they going to do?

The Eagles defense is always really good, because Jim Johnson is really good. I could be starting DT for the Eagles, and we’d be a Top 10 D. They’ll bother the hell out of opposing offenses, plus they play San Francisco, St. Louis, Atlanta, Arizona, Cincinnati, Baltimore, Chicago and Washington twice. That’s 8 easy wins. They’ll probably get one against the Giants, and get into the playoffs. Plus, the Eagles have been known to have some phenomenal cheerleaders. They’re guaranteed to have a hand in two more wins just by being there.

New York Giants - 10 - 6 - Wildcard

It’s possible for the Eagles and Giants to have the same record. I did some counting, and they could easily win some games. Basically, the same games that the Eagles win, and I had them splitting, so it all makes sense. Unfortunately, the Giants won’t be as good as they were last year, despite adding QB David Carr (hahahhaha… ). In fact, besides the great Carr, all the Giants did in the offseason was pick up CB Sammy Knight. Sammy Knight? The Giants, of course, lost Michael Strahan to retirement and they just lost Osi Umenyiora to what appears to be year ending knee surgery.

On offense, it’s more of the same ugly we saw from them last year. Eli will have to once again pull a miracle out of his ass to get this team to preform. They just lack the star power on offense, and they pretend like Plaxico Burress is a top-notch receiver. He’s a good #2 guy at best, but when your other option is Amani Toomer, Plax looks pretty good. Brandon Jacobs was decent at best last year, and he’s probably not going to be any better this year.

On defense, despite losing Strahan and Osi, the Giants are solid. They’re like a better version of the Ravens and Bucs. Their secondary, which features an old Sam Madison and Sammy Knight (remember when they were Dolphins?), along with Aaron Ross and James Butler. This just in, we’re now hearing Strahan might come back? That’s cool, come back after you were allowed into Cowboys training camp for Fox. I hate this team. Regardless, the problem is, they won’t be able to stop the Cowboys onslaught of offense this year. It’ll be a decent year for them, but I will not take any of them in Madden or Fantasy.

Washington Redskins - Record: 5 - 11 - Sad

I do feel bad for the Redskins. I want them to be good, but it’s just not going to happen any time soon. They lost Sean Taylor, and rallied around that to put together a solid year. However, this year that’s not going to happen. They didn’t really lose anyone, QB Mark Brunell doesn’t count, and WRs Brandon Lloyd and Reche Caldwell are nobodies. They added DE Erasmus James to the solid defense, and had an OK draft selecting WR Devin Thomas out of Michigan State. But, who does this excite? They also added Jason Taylor from the Dolphins. He’s still really good, but, again, Dancing with the Stars pissed off some people in Miami. Apparently, they were right, because he’s already out with his first injury of the year.

Joe Gibbs is gone, again… and I can’t even remember the name of their new coach. They have an decent young QB in Jason Campbell, but this team isn’t going anywhere in this division for a while.

I’m not too mad, though. It’s guaranteed 2 victories for the Cowboys. Strange that Daniel Snyder didn’t spend any money in the offseason, though.