The Sports Bizzo

By Jon…

As we look ahead to another Mavs season full of High expectations and disappointment, here are 10 things to look forward to:

1. Dirk is another year older and a little less effective, and even better news, he has less help than in previous years. I’m gonna steal a line from Bill Simmons here: The NBA…where frittering away your best player’s prime happens….

2. The first full year of the Jason Kidd experiment- Last year, we didn’t get to see the half of it. The Mavs tried to sneak Kidd into the mix way too late, and so they we’re destined to fail. But, worry not, Mavs fans, now we get a whole year to watch his old, crotchety ass bring us down from the inside like some kind of assist dropping, horrible shooting blackhole. On the plus side, though, we will get to see….

3. The return of “The Blur”- as Devin Harris was so preciously named two days after he was traded to the Nets. This still chaps me for some reason. He spent four years in Dallas and not one mention of a nickname. He goes to New Jersey and BAM!, he’s “The Blur”. It’s a pretty kick-ass nickname, if you ask me, and we should’ve thought of it first. I’m still holding out hope for Mavs Nation, though, because we can still give him a nickname. Just wait till the first time the Mavs play the Nets. Sometime in the middle of the the second quarter, The Blur is going to fly by Jason Kidd, dunk on him and be halfway back up the court, when Bob Ortegel, finally realizes what just happened, and says, “Wow, Mark, what was that? It all happened so fast,” and Mark Fallowill will say, “The Former Future of the Franchise just blew by Jason Kidd for an amazing dunk!!!”

And then he’ll have his new nickname in Dallas, Triple F, which ironically, is the same thing Mark Cuban will be screaming from the sideline, the Triple F, though with a slightly different connotation.

4. The return of Desagana Diop- It’s a good thing the Mavs had that mid-level exception, otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to throw undeserved money at a guy who was a throw-in on the Jason Kidd trade. I mean, it’s obvious the reason they didn’t get out of the first round last year because they we’re missing Diop. If the decision to sign Diop was a ball, Mark Cuban, “Diop-ed it like it’s hot…”

5. The Gerald Green signing- If there’s been one thing the Mavs have been missing all these years, it’s a dunk champion. It’s like a title team in Baseball not having a good pinch runner, or a Football team not having a good holder. You see what I’m getting at? Gerald Green is young, and maybe all he needed was to be put on a semi-competent team, but really? That’s the ace in the hole this year? Outside of a few highlight alley-oops from Jason Kidd, I don’t see this acquisition making a big impact. Unless the NBA made some rule change where instead of overtime, teams have to compete in a Blowing-Out-a-Candle-on-a-Cupcake-while-Dunking Contest.

6. The new Pre-Game Introductions- This year, the Pregame introductions are going to be super-sweet. Mark Cuban decided to consult Josh Howard this year to try and liven up the crowd a bit and drive concession sales.

Picture the scene: The road team’s just been introduced, and the lights go down…the black lights turn on, and the smoke begins to pour in. Except this year, it’s not a fog machine…it’s a smog machine. Josh Howard and all of his buddies have been taking bong rips for the last two hours to get enough smoke to smog out the AAC. The Mavs come stumbling out of the tunnel, ready to play some X-Box 360 NBA 2K8. Then they’ll sing the National Anthem then, much as they do when they play in Canada, they will sing a second Anthem, except this one will be just for Josh Howard, and what he does celebrate, Weed. J-Ho’s anthem will be, “Two Joints” by Sublime.

7. The jokes, the jokes will be great- I’m throwing this one in, spur of the moment, because it’s too priceless. I’m watching the first quarter of the Mavs season opener, and Josh Howard just went off for 8 points in the first 5 minutes. As TNT was cutting to commercial, Reggie Miller says, “It’s great to see Josh Howard starting off on a high..note..” He totally didn’t mean to do it, but there was a split second hesitation on Reggie Miller’s part where he realized what he was saying. Priceless.

8. Josh Howard again- J-Ho’s career can go two ways from here, good or bad. After watching him for the first few minutes of this game, Howard looks primed for a breakout, Eff-You season. He’s been listening to people in the media drag his name through the mud all year, and it looks like he’s taken it to heart. Granted it’s only one quarter so far, but he looks like he’s releasing a lot of his aggression on the Rockets. Let’s hope it continues. He’s got 13 points already, and the first quarter isn’t over. And he’s being covered by Ron Artest.

9. Little General gone- A friend of mine told me recently that a lot of Mavs said they didn’t want to play for the Mavs if Avery Johnson was still the coach. I’m not sure who his source was, but either way, getting rid of Avery was clearly a good decision.

10. I may be completely wrong on all of this. It’s really hard for me to write the back half of this story because I’m watching the Mavs game right now, and they look a lot better than I thought. Goddamnit, they sucked me again. HOW DO THEY DO THIS TO ME EVERY YEAR? And it only took 12 minutes this time.

GO MAVS!!