The Sports Bizzo

By Toph…

I’ve decided that this is the year I become a hockey fan. I’ve always been a decent hockey spectator, but not really a fan. What I mean by that is when the Stars are in the playoffs, I watch the games and cheer for them. I’m sure there’s a sport you feel that way about, right? Most likely, it’s probably hockey, too.

But, last year, as the Stars made their way through the Western Conference playoffs, something happened to me. Maybe it was the thrill of seeing them beat a Bay Area team, coupled with watching it on HD. I don’t know. Maybe it was also the fact that my boss is a huge Red Wings fan. Again, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because of hockey moms like Sarah Palin. OK, I know that’s not why. What I do know is this is the year I consider myself a hockey fan.

You should, too, and here’s why:

1. The Mavs will rip your heart out and piss on it.
I can’t stress this enough, unless Mark Cuban decides to pull off a miracle trade, like Kidd and J-Ho for Kobe or Kidd and J-Ho to reunite Dirk and Nash, it’s not going to happen this year. They’ll be OK, and I’ll watch them, but I won’t be excited or thrilled. It’s like when the Cowboys were terrible. I watched, but I wasn’t excited about it. I don’t smile during the games. I don’t pump my fists. With hockey, I’ll pump my fists. I’ll celebrate, and you will too.

2. Oh, you’re probably not a Mavs fan.
That’s OK, because unless you’re in Portland, LA or Boston, you’re thinking the same thing I am. Let’s give the NBA some time to catch up. I’m not saying the thrill is gone, because I still love the NBA, but I need a longer break. Maybe it’s the Olympics fault or something. Preseason NBA just started, and I didn’t care. Did you? Did you get boners thinking about it? I’m sure you didn’t.

3. Fighting is cool.
It really is, and I forgot that until the Melee at Auburn Hills. In hockey fighting is not only acceptable, it’s encouraged. Not only that, but hand checking is the least of the offenses worry. Do you remember the outcry when Stackhouse took Shaq down in the NBA Finals?  Here’s the video to jog your memory. In hockey, this hit happens every 30 seconds.

4. Sidney Crosby is a badass.
The guy is like 7, and he’s killing it. The kid has already won a Hart Trophy, and unless #5 is as good as last year, he should get his second.

5. Alexander Ovechkin is a badass.
He’s like 10, and he’s killing it. He is last year’s Hart Trophy winner. He and Crosby are the new Kobe and LeBron. These guys are amazing to watch, and will be for a long time. It really must be nice to have a 2 studs ruling your league that people actually like. I’m talking about you, Kobe.

6. NHL 09 for PS3 and XBOX 360.
OK, admittedly I haven’t played it, mainly because I don’t own a PS3 or XBox, but all I hear is that the game is phenomenal. Games make the sport awesome, if they’re done right. Example: Madden is amazing, and so is football. Baseball games kind blows, and the MLB kind of blows. See? It makes sense.

7. There are about 6 teams who could win The Cup.
The Stars, Red Wings, Sharks, Penguins, Rangers and Canadiens are really badass. More importantly, you can afford tickets to all of their games. The NHL needs you to come to the games. The NBA hates you.

8. They’re hanging banners in Hockey Town tonight.
Find me a scarier place to play in sports. These guys ooze excellence. 4 Stanley Cups in 11 years on a night when they play the Original Six championship? And, they added Marian Hossa to defend the Cup. Plus, everyone wants to kick their ass for being the Yankees of hockey.

9. Ice Girls, the cheerleaders of the ice.
I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Ice Girls are hot. Especially, the Dallas Stars Ice Girls. Is there any reason for them? You mean besides looking awesome in tight clothing, right? Stop asking gay questions.

10. From Christian - It’s the only sport where Canadians are utterly dominant. Their beer is stronger, being topless is not only legal, it’s encouraged. They have mounted police, and the “canadian tuxedo” is made strictly of jeans.

11. Because The Bizzo is going to write about it.
It’s true, we are. We’re going to write about it, and you don’t want to be left out in the dark do you? The Biz is on the hockey bandwagon this year, and you should join us. It’s going to be awesome. The new Bizzo manta… ModanoBoners!