The Sports Bizzo

By Jon…

At first I was excited.

The idea of having two Roy Williams on the same team made me giddy. My friends and I used to build our Madden teams around having both O-Roy and D-Roy. One of them was the hardest hitting safety on the game, and the other, an impossible-to-cover 6′5″ gazelle of a wide receiver. How could you possibly go wrong?

And then it occurred to me. This isn’t 2005. And this ain’t a video game.

And the Cowboys of 2008 are on the verge of becoming the punchline to a cringe-inducing joke that I really don’t want to hear.

I’m not ready to give up on them just yet, but it’s getting close. Here’s what’s keeping me on the bandwagon (for now):

1. It’s early- Every year there are grumblings all over the news about who the first half losers and disappointments are. It’s a product of the 24 hour news cycle. Everyone has to have opinions, and they have to have them now, and they state them adamantly. Sports pundits are as bad as political pundits. They’re all weathermen. You can say whatever you want, when you want, and when it turns out different, they can blame anything. The wind. The clouds. The heat. Whatever.
Keep in mind, the Romo era has been littered with hype and superlatives in the early part of the season and sadness and disappointment in the back half of the season. The Cowboys have the next few weeks to get healthy. Initially, the thought was that they were fortunate the injuries happened during the weak part of the schedule. Well, they screwed the pooch on that one so far. But still, the Cowboys need to play well in December for once. I’m holding onto that.

2. O-Roy just got here- Yeah, he didn’t have a catch this week. But he’s only been on the team for 3 days, and he had Brad Johnson sailing whiffleballs all game. He should warm up to the team, the playbook, and the coaching staff just in time for Romo’s grand re-emergence in a few weeks.

3. All of the injuries and suspensions aligned perfectly- Romo, Felix, and Pacman (god forbid) could all be back in about three weeks. The team will return to full strength at just the right time. As for the D-Roy injury, I’m not even worried. He’s been a walking liability since last year. If things go well, rookie S Mike Jenkins got just the break he needed to usurp the throne from Roy, and we can go back to being just a one Roy team next year.

And, finally, and most importantly….

4. This is the absolute perfect situation for the Cowboys- Hear me out. If you haven’t noticed, the last few years champions in several sports have all been playing the, “no one believed in us, we’ve been playing with a chip on our shoulders” card. This is the perfect time for Dallas to be playing awfully. Every sportswriter in America is heaping 3 different kinds of shit on the Cowboys right now. NO ONE BELIEVES IN YOU, COWBOYS!!!!

Can you hear that?

I don’t care what method you use to rally the troops. Just Do It. Organize some team meetings where you all watch “Varsity Blues”, or “Major League”. In fact, you should combine the motivational techniques from both of those movies. It’s almost too perfect.

Here:

1. You get a cardboard cut-out of Jessica Simpson in that cursed pink Tony Romo jersey, and every time you guys win a game, you peel off a piece of her clothing. By the end of the season, you’ll have a righteous view of her naked cardboard cans.

2. You all stop listening to Coach Phillips and you let Romo start calling his gunslinger plays a la Jonathan Moxon. Hell, have James Van der Beek come in and give you guys a motivational speech.

3. And if all else fails, you go Star Wars. Get Carrie Underwood to record a hologram message for Tony Romo, roll in a replica R2D2, and let the message play…

“Help me, Tony Romo, you’re my only hope….”