The Sports Bizzo

(Editor’s Note: Pacman still loves strippers… and so do we.)

By Jon…

Damnit, Pacman. Damnit, damnit, damnit… What have you done?

I’ve read all the reports and watched all the coverage, and I’m sure it’s not nearly as big a deal as people are making it out, but…

Come on, dude, your own bodyguard? He’s an off-duty police officer. Somehow you managed to get the cops called when they were already there.

I guess I just don’t get you.

You’re a supremely talented athlete who’s been given a once-in-a-lifetime chance to do something amazing with those talents. Do you know how many people in this world don’t get that chance? Let alone two chances?

You’ve worked your ass off for your entire life to be an NFL player, not a joke. And frankly, if you get suspended indefinitely for this, you deserve it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of yours. I’ve been excited about you coming to the Cowboys since the day you signed. I got even more excited when I saw you and TO battling it out in practice and Wade Phillips going nuts about you catching 6 balls at a time on “Hard Knocks”.

But you shouldn’t want to be good for me. I’m a die-hard Cowboys fan, I’ll like anyone who plays for them (except Drew Bledsoe, actually any Cowboys QB between Aikman and Romo…and even he’s walking on thin ice). You should want to be good for my friend, Brie. Brie’s a 25 year old mathematician who got into football a few years back. She’s been a fan of yours since you came into the league. She thought you had a kick-ass nickname and she liked the way you played. I told her I was going to get her a Pacman Jersey. Then you got into all that trouble and she was pretty bummed out.

Then you came to the Cowboys and she was happy all over again. She said, “Now, I only have to watch one game instead of two.”

Do you see what’s at stake here, Adam?

I still intend to get her the Pacman jersey for Christmas, but you’re gonna have to make it to Christmas for me, okay?

I don’t ask for much, dude.