The Sports Bizzo

(Editor’s Note: I can’t spell.)

By Toph…

Someone mind telling me what the shit is going on? I’ve resorted to thumping my Romoboner in hopes of getting it up. That’s where I am right now. I keep thumping, and my Romoboner keeps looking at me with its sad face. It almost says to me, “Toph, I’m taking a nap. Wake me after the bye week.” Granted, the Cowboys did beat the Bengals, but they didn’t look good doing it. At this point I wish I could say Romo was uncharacteristic, but turnovers have started becoming Romo’s cup of tea.

Yesterday was spent with Diabla at Pete’s Tavern in San Francisco. It’s hard to go to a bar to watch the Cowboys game when everyone in the place is watching the 49ers - Patriots game. Actually, someone came in and said, “Oh, the Cincy game is on.” Um, the Cincy game? Are you kidding me? The Cincy game? He wasn’t alone either. Everyone in the place was either a Niners fan, a Patriots bandwagon fan, or a Bengals fan.

Side note - How much does it suck to be a Patriots bandwagon fan? San Francisco is full of them. They were enthralled on the first Super Bowl win as their team stunk. They thought, “Man, this team is good. My cousin lives in Boston, and he lives and dies by them. The 49ers suck, but I couldn’t… could I?” By the next Super Bowl they bought a shirt, or had their cousin send them one. They also picked up a hat that looked worn, and told people they’ve had it since they could remember wearing hats. By the time the third Super Bowl came around they were annoying, and even had a hint of a Boston accent. Where the fuck did that come from? Maybe next year they’ll visit, but really who knows. They’ll probably go in hiding for a week, and say they were in Boston. That’s how much they suck. Then, Brady goes down. They spent all this money on Patriots gear, and now they’re stuck. But, hey, I don’t hate them as much as I hate 49er fans. Especially that dude who kept screaming at the top of his lungs every time the 49ers gained a yard or made a stop, “That’s what I’m talking about!” Dude, that’s not what you’re talking about. I’m glad you lost, even if that meant shitty Patriot bandwagon fans won.

We walk in Pete’s and, of course, we sit beside the fat-ass Redskins super-fan-girl. I hated her. Look, Diabla couldn’t understand this, and was kind of offended, so maybe you can help me out here. Don’t you hate girl-fans? Especially, if they’re not hot? Wear your teams shirt, and cheer when they do well, but don’t talk shit like you know somebody. Every time the Cowboys did well, she’d roll her eyes and chow down another buffalo wing covered in ranch dressing. The Diet Coke doesn’t help when you’re taking shots of ranch dressing, fatty. So, I hate this girl. The Redskins already played, but she stuck around for the 49ers game. Of course she did. She’s never even been to Washington. I hate fat people girl-fans.

I was more than willing to say, “Wow, the Redskins are a nice surprise this year.” But, no. She had to try and talk shit. I wish I knew what tubs said, but I couldn’t hear her with her mouth full of wing. But, the Redskins are a nice surprise this year. They’ve won back to back games on the road against the Cowboys and Eagles. Teams don’t just do that. I don’t think they can sustain this, because let’s be honest, it’s the Redskins. Still, it’s impressive what they’re doing, and it makes my divison even better. People are saying the Eagles are done, but damn, they’re still a good team.

The Giants, on the other hand, are sick, and people in my fantasy league are dumb.

In the passed two weeks I’ve tried these trades: Eli Manning for Jo Addai (Who’s on the guys bench, and he starts Matt Cassell), Eli Manning for Brandon Marshall (OK, this was a stretch, but his QB was Matt Schaub), Eli Manning for Greg Jennings (Jon’s QB is JT O’Sullivan), Eli Manning for Marshawn Lynch (who is on Ryan’s bench). Shit, now I’m going to start Eli Manning. Crazy that no one would trade for him. Meanwhile, the Peru Skillets couldn’t win if I adjusted the scores.

I hate my fantasy team.