The Sports Bizzo

By Toph…

By now you’ve heard that Plaxico Burress has been suspend for the year, and that other suspensions could be coming for the dudes that were with him that night he shot himself in the leg, right? You can always count on the Bizzo to bring you late breaking news, right? OK, so that’s not why the Bizzo was created, but it was created so we could discuss these important sports headlines.

So, let’s discuss.

Plaxico shot himself in the leg at the club. How does this make sense? First of all, how do you even shoot yourself in the leg these days? Was his safety not on? What was his gun even doing in the front? Don’t you gotta keep your piece in the back, or in a cool holster of sorts? I still can’t make sense of the fact that the dude shot himself in the leg at the club. I mean did he mistake his penis for his gun? What the hell!? Why is no one talking about this? Or, have they talked about it, and I just didn’t read it?

How many questions have I asked so far?

What happens now? Well, lots of things. Plaxico is done for the season, and the playoffs (even though everyone has been real shady when discussing him being gone for the playoffs). Either the Giants will rally around this, like they did when Tiki Barber, Osi YumYumuri and Michael Strahan left, or they will totally collapse. I am really hoping they collapse.

Think about it - The Cowboys, who were in complete disarray, come back to make it the Super Bowl because Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg. The same team that has TO, Pacman and Tank would be the giving the ultimate Go-Fuck-Yourself to the team that knocked them out of the playoffs last year. I love the possibility of this. Next year you could have TO, O-Roy and Plaxico on the same team. Of course the Cowboys would pick him up. 1. It says eff-you to the Giants, and 2. Michael Irvin could rehabilitate him. Tell me you wouldn’t be glued to Hard Knocks, and staying the hell away from Baby Dolls if that happened.

On a side note, it’s always been a small dream of mine to write for a newspaper or an ESPN, but I don’t think I could. Without openly writing things like “ultimate Go-Fuck-Yourself” every day, I’d get bored. Maybe I’d need another alter ego - Christopher in business, Toph online and Pher in print.

(And tell me you wouldn’t root for the Giants if that chick up there was your lady.)