By Jon…

As we look ahead to another Mavs season full of High expectations and disappointment, here are 10 things to look forward to:

1. Dirk is another year older and a little less effective, and even better news, he has less help than in previous years. I’m gonna steal a line from Bill Simmons here: The NBA…where frittering away your best player’s prime happens….

2. The first full year of the Jason Kidd experiment- Last year, we didn’t get to see the half of it. The Mavs tried to sneak Kidd into the mix way too late, and so they we’re destined to fail. But, worry not, Mavs fans, now we get a whole year to watch his old, crotchety ass bring us down from the inside like some kind of assist dropping, horrible shooting blackhole. On the plus side, though, we will get to see….

3. The return of “The Blur”- as Devin Harris was so preciously named two days after he was traded to the Nets. This still chaps me for some reason. He spent four years in Dallas and not one mention of a nickname. He goes to New Jersey and BAM!, he’s “The Blur”. It’s a pretty kick-ass nickname, if you ask me, and we should’ve thought of it first. I’m still holding out hope for Mavs Nation, though, because we can still give him a nickname. Just wait till the first time the Mavs play the Nets. Sometime in the middle of the the second quarter, The Blur is going to fly by Jason Kidd, dunk on him and be halfway back up the court, when Bob Ortegel, finally realizes what just happened, and says, “Wow, Mark, what was that? It all happened so fast,” and Mark Fallowill will say, “The Former Future of the Franchise just blew by Jason Kidd for an amazing dunk!!!”

And then he’ll have his new nickname in Dallas, Triple F, which ironically, is the same thing Mark Cuban will be screaming from the sideline, the Triple F, though with a slightly different connotation.

4. The return of Desagana Diop- It’s a good thing the Mavs had that mid-level exception, otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to throw undeserved money at a guy who was a throw-in on the Jason Kidd trade. I mean, it’s obvious the reason they didn’t get out of the first round last year because they we’re missing Diop. If the decision to sign Diop was a ball, Mark Cuban, “Diop-ed it like it’s hot…”

5. The Gerald Green signing- If there’s been one thing the Mavs have been missing all these years, it’s a dunk champion. It’s like a title team in Baseball not having a good pinch runner, or a Football team not having a good holder. You see what I’m getting at? Gerald Green is young, and maybe all he needed was to be put on a semi-competent team, but really? That’s the ace in the hole this year? Outside of a few highlight alley-oops from Jason Kidd, I don’t see this acquisition making a big impact. Unless the NBA made some rule change where instead of overtime, teams have to compete in a Blowing-Out-a-Candle-on-a-Cupcake-while-Dunking Contest.

6. The new Pre-Game Introductions- This year, the Pregame introductions are going to be super-sweet. Mark Cuban decided to consult Josh Howard this year to try and liven up the crowd a bit and drive concession sales.

Picture the scene: The road team’s just been introduced, and the lights go down…the black lights turn on, and the smoke begins to pour in. Except this year, it’s not a fog machine…it’s a smog machine. Josh Howard and all of his buddies have been taking bong rips for the last two hours to get enough smoke to smog out the AAC. The Mavs come stumbling out of the tunnel, ready to play some X-Box 360 NBA 2K8. Then they’ll sing the National Anthem then, much as they do when they play in Canada, they will sing a second Anthem, except this one will be just for Josh Howard, and what he does celebrate, Weed. J-Ho’s anthem will be, “Two Joints” by Sublime.

7. The jokes, the jokes will be great- I’m throwing this one in, spur of the moment, because it’s too priceless. I’m watching the first quarter of the Mavs season opener, and Josh Howard just went off for 8 points in the first 5 minutes. As TNT was cutting to commercial, Reggie Miller says, “It’s great to see Josh Howard starting off on a high..note..” He totally didn’t mean to do it, but there was a split second hesitation on Reggie Miller’s part where he realized what he was saying. Priceless.

8. Josh Howard again- J-Ho’s career can go two ways from here, good or bad. After watching him for the first few minutes of this game, Howard looks primed for a breakout, Eff-You season. He’s been listening to people in the media drag his name through the mud all year, and it looks like he’s taken it to heart. Granted it’s only one quarter so far, but he looks like he’s releasing a lot of his aggression on the Rockets. Let’s hope it continues. He’s got 13 points already, and the first quarter isn’t over. And he’s being covered by Ron Artest.

9. Little General gone- A friend of mine told me recently that a lot of Mavs said they didn’t want to play for the Mavs if Avery Johnson was still the coach. I’m not sure who his source was, but either way, getting rid of Avery was clearly a good decision.

10. I may be completely wrong on all of this. It’s really hard for me to write the back half of this story because I’m watching the Mavs game right now, and they look a lot better than I thought. Goddamnit, they sucked me again. HOW DO THEY DO THIS TO ME EVERY YEAR? And it only took 12 minutes this time.

GO MAVS!!

By Toph…

I’ve decided that this is the year I become a hockey fan. I’ve always been a decent hockey spectator, but not really a fan. What I mean by that is when the Stars are in the playoffs, I watch the games and cheer for them. I’m sure there’s a sport you feel that way about, right? Most likely, it’s probably hockey, too.

But, last year, as the Stars made their way through the Western Conference playoffs, something happened to me. Maybe it was the thrill of seeing them beat a Bay Area team, coupled with watching it on HD. I don’t know. Maybe it was also the fact that my boss is a huge Red Wings fan. Again, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because of hockey moms like Sarah Palin. OK, I know that’s not why. What I do know is this is the year I consider myself a hockey fan.

You should, too, and here’s why:

1. The Mavs will rip your heart out and piss on it.
I can’t stress this enough, unless Mark Cuban decides to pull off a miracle trade, like Kidd and J-Ho for Kobe or Kidd and J-Ho to reunite Dirk and Nash, it’s not going to happen this year. They’ll be OK, and I’ll watch them, but I won’t be excited or thrilled. It’s like when the Cowboys were terrible. I watched, but I wasn’t excited about it. I don’t smile during the games. I don’t pump my fists. With hockey, I’ll pump my fists. I’ll celebrate, and you will too.

2. Oh, you’re probably not a Mavs fan.
That’s OK, because unless you’re in Portland, LA or Boston, you’re thinking the same thing I am. Let’s give the NBA some time to catch up. I’m not saying the thrill is gone, because I still love the NBA, but I need a longer break. Maybe it’s the Olympics fault or something. Preseason NBA just started, and I didn’t care. Did you? Did you get boners thinking about it? I’m sure you didn’t.

3. Fighting is cool.
It really is, and I forgot that until the Melee at Auburn Hills. In hockey fighting is not only acceptable, it’s encouraged. Not only that, but hand checking is the least of the offenses worry. Do you remember the outcry when Stackhouse took Shaq down in the NBA Finals?  Here’s the video to jog your memory. In hockey, this hit happens every 30 seconds.

4. Sidney Crosby is a badass.
The guy is like 7, and he’s killing it. The kid has already won a Hart Trophy, and unless #5 is as good as last year, he should get his second.

5. Alexander Ovechkin is a badass.
He’s like 10, and he’s killing it. He is last year’s Hart Trophy winner. He and Crosby are the new Kobe and LeBron. These guys are amazing to watch, and will be for a long time. It really must be nice to have a 2 studs ruling your league that people actually like. I’m talking about you, Kobe.

6. NHL 09 for PS3 and XBOX 360.
OK, admittedly I haven’t played it, mainly because I don’t own a PS3 or XBox, but all I hear is that the game is phenomenal. Games make the sport awesome, if they’re done right. Example: Madden is amazing, and so is football. Baseball games kind blows, and the MLB kind of blows. See? It makes sense.

7. There are about 6 teams who could win The Cup.
The Stars, Red Wings, Sharks, Penguins, Rangers and Canadiens are really badass. More importantly, you can afford tickets to all of their games. The NHL needs you to come to the games. The NBA hates you.

8. They’re hanging banners in Hockey Town tonight.
Find me a scarier place to play in sports. These guys ooze excellence. 4 Stanley Cups in 11 years on a night when they play the Original Six championship? And, they added Marian Hossa to defend the Cup. Plus, everyone wants to kick their ass for being the Yankees of hockey.

9. Ice Girls, the cheerleaders of the ice.
I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Ice Girls are hot. Especially, the Dallas Stars Ice Girls. Is there any reason for them? You mean besides looking awesome in tight clothing, right? Stop asking gay questions.

10. From Christian – It’s the only sport where Canadians are utterly dominant. Their beer is stronger, being topless is not only legal, it’s encouraged. They have mounted police, and the “canadian tuxedo” is made strictly of jeans.

11. Because The Bizzo is going to write about it.
It’s true, we are. We’re going to write about it, and you don’t want to be left out in the dark do you? The Biz is on the hockey bandwagon this year, and you should join us. It’s going to be awesome. The new Bizzo manta… ModanoBoners!

The Sports Bizzo Podcast 10.02.08

(Editor’s Note: Toph and Jon strongly support chicks doing handstands… and bikinis.)

This week The Biz discusses the VP debates, Palin Bingo, The 1st Annual Bizzo Summit, Sky Bombing, Cowboys-Redskins, Cowboys-Bengals, MLB Playoffs and other stuff that I’ve forgotten.

Of course…

Email The Bizzo at TheSportsBizzo@gmail.com

The Bizzo on Myspace – http://myspace.com/TheSportsBizzo

The Bizzo on Twitter – http://twitter.com/TheSportsBizzo

The Bizzo’s Facebook Group – HERE

By Jon…

I know we’re getting into the thick of football season and there’s absolutely no reason for me to even be thinking about basketball, but this is urgent. I know I said a few weeks ago that I wasn’t going to talk about the Mavs anymore for now, but again this is urgent. And I know I haven’t done a Mendoza Line segment in at least two months, but, if I’m correct, I think we might have our first two-time winner….

JOSH HOWARD…

A bit of advice, Josh…STOP DOING ANYTHING!!!

Stop driving. Stop smoking. Stop filming things. Stop talking, thinking, doing, smelling, touching. Just stop. Everything you do turns in to news, and not in the good way.

I don’t know what happened to you. For years, we’ve been defending what a smart pick you were, how we we’re lucky you slipped to us and not the Spurs. We even defended your Chris Webber-esque timeout in the Finals a couple of years ago. And this….this is how you repay us.

Just this summer alone, you’ve told the world that you smoke dope, then got caught drag racing your car, and now you’re on YouTube telling everyone you don’t celebrate the National Anthem because you’re black.

Really?

Fine. Say what you want to say. I don’t doubt you believe what you said, but why don’t you think about what you’re saying and who you’re saying it in front of before you open your mouth?

You hold a four-year degree from one of the finer and more exclusive universities in the country, and you did it on a full scholarship. You skipped out on an opportunity to play in the Olympics because you had a clinic you were running for kids to help keep them out of the exact situations you’ve put yourself in this summer, and on top of all of that, you’re getting paid close to $8 million a year to do so.

I’m not saying you don’t have the right to be frustrated with the current state of affairs in our country, because everyone is.

All I’m saying is think, for two seconds, about how great you have it. While you were out being recorded on your friend’s iPhone (Editor’s note – There’s no fucking video recorder on the iPhone. We’re still not sure why. It’s retarded.) saying you don’t celebrate the national anthem at a Charity flag football game, the rest of the country worked. Or didn’t work, because they don’t have jobs.

And if that’s too hard for you to think about, if that’s too far below you, why don’t you think about your former teammate, DJ Mbenga? He escaped a war torn country, he escaped from a prison he shouldn’t have been in the Congo, made it to America, and played in the NBA right alongside you for several years. He’s doing it for a fraction of the money, and I bet he’s loving every bit of it.  He’s living the American Dream. He’s excited to even be able to make an attempt at the American Dream, because there is no Congoese dream.

Now, I’m no super-patriot or anything, but if you’re going to sit here and bitch about not celebrating the national Anthem, why don’t you man up and say it during one of your Vitamin Water ads?

There. I’m done. This month’s Mendoza line winner, Josh Howard, two-time winner, full time loser.

The Sports Bizzo Podcast 05.03.08

Yep, are second podcast is finally here. It’s sexy and amazing… but that could be due to the segue music. Sexy Segue music.

Here are some helpful links and photos to help you along.

The Breeders Cup photos

Peyton Manning Photo

SportsBizzo Podcast 04.27.08

Hello SportsBizzo fans. Jon and I weren’t sure if our first Podcast would ever make it to the masses. However, with diligent work from Ray and Ed, we present the first SportsBizzo Podcast! It’s rough guys. It’s rough and slightly outdated. We have recorded this week’s podcast, and it should be up by Thursday. We’re new to this, so expect the process to get tighter.

Word.

By Jon…

The Mavs have looked awful in the first two games of this series, and I don’t expect much to change tonight, unless the crowd at AAC wills them to victory.

No mind for Josh Howard. Soon enough, he can move onto his other hobby: Hitting the bong.

That’s not a typo.

The story hasn’t made it to dallasnews.com yet, but according to 1530 espnradio in Austin, Josh Howard went on Michael Irvin’s radio show in Dallas to talk about his recreational pot smoking during the off-season.

What is he thinking? It would be one thing if he were actually playing well (he’s shooting 27% for the series), or if the Mavs were already out of the playoffs, but really? Now. He thought now would be a good time to let the world know about his off-season affair with the stanky dank.

Maybe Michael Irvin talked him into it, seeing as “The Playmaker” is the elder statesman of drug using Dallas athletes. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mike was his hook-up, because you know he knows some people.

The best part of the whole interview, linked below, is the quote, “Right now I’m addicted to basketball. You know, like you said, I’m addicted to basketball and addicted to my family. You know, those two things are going to come first, along with God, you know, you know, so I’m not even dealing with it until the time comes.” Basketball, Family and God. Amazing.

It’s probably all for the best anyway. Maybe J-Ho should invite the whole team for a toke session. It might make them all feel a little better, and give them some peace of mind.

And so they can learn what it feels like to smoke something, instead of getting smoked..

LINK – ESPN PODCAST