By Toph…

Jon, you can find your pony in my bedroom getting its tail fucked by me. I have no idea what that meant, but we decided we need to argue on the Biz.

I love the Marion trade. I do, and I like what the Mavs have done so far this offseason. What’s there not to like? In case anyone missed it, we trade Jerry Stackhouse for Shawn Marion. Jerry Stackhouse, who didn’t do shit last year.

Think of this lineup:

1.Kidd, Howard, Marion, Dirk, Damp (fuck Damp).

2. Kidd, Terry, Howard, Marion, Dirk

3. JJ, Buck, Ross, Humphries, Gortat (hahaa… sorry…)

Also, in case you missed it, we got rid of Devean George. I hate Devean George and think he’s the biggest waste of space since Mark Teixera and CC Sabathia.

We also didn’t get Richard Jefferson, who also sucks, and costs like $14million. I’d say that Marion was much better than Jefferson.

About Gortat. Well, is he better than Brandon Bass? Sure, fuck if I know. Bass can throw down some dunks when he’s wide open, and shoot a decent 10ft shot, but he’s never going to be great. I don’t actually know if Gortat is any good. Who does? In fact, that could be one of the dumbest moves since acquiring Devean George.

Then you have Kidd. Ugh… Who the eff wanted that? OK, we didn’t have a plan B for Kidd. But, the Mavs let Nash go because he was too old and too expensive, so do with that what you will. As long as this is a sort of one year deal, and they get Paul next year with Kidd as a mentor of sorts, then I’m happy.

Speaking of which, the Mavs supposedly have all this money coming off the books for the summer of 2010, so that’s good if this all fails.

Because for Christsakes, they’re running out of time.

(Editor’s note: The girl on the horse above is 18… I swear…)

By Jon…

Fandom is a strange word.

It’s also a strange concept with no written rules, which makes it incredibly hard to know how to feel about certain things. Some of your friends might agree with you. Others might completely disagree with you, and question your fanhood relentlessly until you can somehow justify your reasoning.

Case in Point:

The Mavs are rumored to be working on a sign-and-trade with the Raptors for Shawn Marion.

I found out via text from Toph. He was all Boners about it.

Me?

My first reaction was the complete opposite.

“Really?,” I thought to myself, “Shawn Marion on the Mavs? What are they gonna do about J-Ho? Would he fit in with the Mavs? How old is he?”

And then the biggest question came to me.

Could I actually root FOR Shawn Marion?

I hate Shawn Marion. For six years, I’ve been bitching about how he has the ugliest shot ever, and that he has a weird forehead, and he’s selfish. And, I mean, come on, he played for the Suns, and they beat us in the playoffs several times and now I’m supposed to LIKE him?

Seriously?

Maybe I should look at the positives. He’s a good rebounder, decent 3PT shooter, and he can get out and run, which is something I think Dallas has needed for awhile. He’s also a strong defensive stopper on the perimeter which takes some pressure off Howard to defend the opponent’s best perimeter player and score.

I just…I don’t know, man.

I guess it’s better than nothing. Earlier this week, I was screaming for a pony. Well, I got my pony. I just didn’t think it would a selfish, aging horse with an ugly shot, a weird forehead, and a freakishly tall Polish trainer named Gortat.

Wait, what’t that? Oh, Gortat’s here to play basketball. Great. Awesome. Lovin’ it.

“…Marcin Gortat….yeah we got ‘em…
…Shawn Marion….yeah we got ‘em…
…Lloyd Christmas…yeah we got ‘em…

…Oh…I am…Oh yes I am….
…Oh I am…
…I’m a Dallas Mavericks fan…”

By Jon…

Today kinda feels like Christmas morning, but not in a good way.

Did you ever have one of those Christmas’ (Christmases?) where you asked for some really badass expensive toy that you knew you probably weren’t going to get, but you held out hope until the last conceivable minute?

I can’t remember one offhand, so for the purpose of this article, I’ll just pretend like I’m an 9 year old girl who’s been asking for a pony for the last three years and still hasn’t gotten it? It’s a stretch, I know, but bear with me.

Right off the bat, it’s tough to rap one’s head around being a member of the opposite gender. But forget about gender, this allegory isn’t about doodles and vajayays, it’s about feelings of disappointment and not getting what you’ve always wanted even though you’ve been a good and loyal person for those five years.

Think about it.

Alright, now that we’re all on the same page:

Goddamnit, Mark Cuban. Can we get a fucking pony already?

I’m getting really tired of this. We’ve been waiting for a pony for three years, and all you’ve given us is a horse who’s a couple of years from ending up in a Jell-O box or as a violin bow.

(the horse analogy has run its course. Jason Kidd is the future Jell-O and/or violin bow)

I’ll speak plainly now.

Free agency season opens today and you need to do something crazy. Dirk’s Championship clock is ticking like a time bomb, and we don’t have much time. You need to make a splash, Cubes, can I call you Cubes?

I don’t want another bullshit Antoine Walker trade, I want a significant move, one that gets the media talking. One that makes people say, “You have to consider the Mavs a real contender in the Western Conference after this acquisition.”

We need this. We’ve been good all year. For the last 3 years, we’ve been good. And time’s running out.

Any day now, we’re gonna figure out that Santa’s not real, and that miracles don’t happen in one night, and that we’ll never win that sonofabitch Championship that eluded us three years ago.

You’ve got one more year. Only because I hear that next year’s ponies are supposed to be really great.

I’ve already got two names picked out and everything.

If he’s just an all around good pony, I’m gonna call him D-Wade.

And if you really love me, and you get me the best pony in the entire world, I’m gonna name it King James.

(Editor’s note: This podcast is for you, Michael… the photo is for me…)

The Sports Bizzo Podcast 06.25.09

Toph and Jon bring on Toph’s mom to discuss the Death of Michael Jackson, and Bizzo NBA expert, Eman to talk about the sad state of the Mavs and the NBA draft.

And as usual

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By Toph…

Now that the Cleveland Cavaliers have been unsurprisingly knocked out of the NBA playoffs again, you have to wonder what LeBron is going to do now. Despite the onslaught of Nike campaigns (How quickly do you think they’re going to build a Dwight Howard Superman puppet?), the Cavs didn’t have a very favorable match up against the Magic. If you watched the series, then you saw why. If you didn’t, then why are you reading a story about it?

If you read everything on ESPN, SI and other sports blogs that are just trying to emulate us (seriously…) then you’ll likely read that Cleveland has a lot to do to get LeBron a supporting cast. But, come on, who else are they going to bring in? Wasn’t Mo Williams supposed to be that number 2 savior? He was an All-Star, right? They had everything that a team is supposed to have. They had 2 solid 3-point shooters, a decent center, an All-Star point guard and a dirty work forward. Ideally, that team is supposed to win. The issue is, in my opinion, that when a player goes to, or plays in, Cleveland they know it’s LeBron’s team. So, they’ll back away from the ball to let him work. Of course, this leaves the whole 1 on 5 scenario, which never works.

The obvious solution, which is really only obvious because I crafted this article to be that way, is for Cleveland to send LeBron elsewhere. Dallas? You think so, too? Well, I think that’s a brilliant idea, and I’ve gotta ask, why not?Is there a more perfect scenario for everyone involved?

Why not Dallas? In Dallas, it is not LeBron’s responsibility to win for the whole state. In fact, he wouldn’t even be the city’s most visible star, leaving that still to Tony Romo. He’d have more TV appearances than with the Cavs, and he’d have guys around him who are so close to an NBA Title. He’d have an owner who would not only pay him incredible amounts of money, but also have enough money left over to keep the team intact. He’d play with another MVP in Dirk, and have a guy like Jason Terry as the 3rd scorer. Sure, they’d likely have to lose Howard, Stackhouse, Kidd and probably the entire bench, but, um, so what? I’d even be more than willing to wait till 2010, and lure him away from New York.

Tell me you wouldn’t shit your pants when the opening roster of the 2010 Dallas Mavericks is J.J. Berea, Jason Terry, LeBron James, Dirk Nowitzki and Erik Dampier. Then, seeing Bass, Singleton, Green and Hollins off the bench. Pick up a couple of other bench guys in the draft and you have an amazing fucking team. No way anyone beats them. Ever.

Make this happen… I’m such a fucking homer.

By Toph…

Wow, there’s a lot going on in sports, and as much as I’d like to write about it all separately, I don’t have time. Truth is, I barely have time to do anything besides work and make love. But, you’re important to me Bizzos… So, I’m here for you.

Let’s start with baseball, since it’s not in season or relevant right now. Joe Torre is ripping the Yankees? Really? The team that made him who he is? Good for you Joe. You know what’s cool? Not giving the Yankees complete credit for sticking with you. I mean, you only had the best talent every year. This is like being the nerd in high school, dating the head cheerleader, then breaking up with her once you become popular. Only, you write a book about how her vag smells like sweaty chode. You ungrateful bastard.

Speaking of the Yankees (and Braves?), apparently David Justice did steroids. This is impressive to me. David Justice, the biggest vagina in sports did steroids. Wasn’t his fucking house burned down by Left Eye or T-Boz? Good for you, David Justice. How many headlines are going to read, “David Un-Justice?”

Really, Joe Torre, and you’re going to talk about how no one liked A-Rod? Shocking.

The Rangers are already 20 games out of first place, and Spring Training hasn’t even begun. But, hey, look on the bright side, Rangers Fan, we might get Ben Sheets. Millwood, Padilla and Sheets. Get ready! And, yes, fan is singular for a reason.

On Saturday I woke up early to watch the Mavs get pwned by the Celtics. (I’ve decided to start using pwned. Am I too late on this? It’s not like I’m w00t!ing or anything.) By halftime, Mavs down damn near 30, I went back to bed and cried myself back to sleep. I have no faith in this team. Seeing Gerald Green in a suit made me think, “Fuck, Gerald Green IS a Mav.” What happened to this team? I think it’s time to send Cuban an email asking him, for all of our sanity, to fix it. I’m more depressed about the Mavs than the economy.

Did you hear TO is getting his own reality show on VH1? It’s definitely the right step in the Cowboys character cleansing. I’m not gonna lie, I’m really hoping to see him show up on the BangBros set again. Yep, next year is looking promising, Boys.

Super Bowl is this weekend, and I’ve officially seen no coverage. Who can watch Super Bowl coverage of a team that’s about to have more trophies than the Cowboys? OK, and when The CW keeps churning out television gold. Oh, I’m the only one watching Privileged? It’s my wife’s fault…

I’m such a little bitch. I feel like Dallas Sports fans are currently the most downtrodden fans in the nation. Yeah, eff you, Seattle. We expect to win, and it’s not happening. We expect winners, and the fucking Arizona Cardinals are in the Super Bowl. The Stars are finally out of last place, the Mavs make me want to kill myself and the Rangers, well, there was an entire Uni Watch devoted the damn Rangers.

What have we done to deserve this?

Never mind, maybe you shouldn’t answer that.

By Jon…

Weekly Grumblings, my ass. I’m sure that’s what y’all are thinking. Well, I’ve needed to build up some things to grumble about. So here we go, a marathon version of the grumblings….

1. If I see one more box score or headline that says Devin Harris has set another career high in points, I’m gonna kill someone. Harris scored 47 points the other day, FORTY SEVEN POINTS!!! That’s ridiculous. Why did the Mavs trade him again? Oh right, for that old man whose name suggests otherwise (Kidd). I sincerely hope Mark Cuban has big plans for all the cap money that comes when Kidd’s contract expires.

The Kidd trade was a total debacle. It wreaks of a bad relationship gone worse. You ever had a situation in your life where you dumped or got dumped by somebody and then you found someone newer, younger, and hotter, and then the old Harpy comes back and says that she wants you back, and since you never really got over her, and you don’t know where this new relationship is going, and things are comfortable with the old one, you get back with her? Only to watch the younger, hotter one hook up with some spare of a dude, but she bangs him FORTY SEVEN times more than you because he let go of the reigns and said go for it? Ever had that happen?

Me either, but it happened to the Mavs.

2. The BCS system is flawed. I know I’m going out on a limb when I say that. In fact, as far as I know, I may be the only one saying it. But the system is flawed. Furthermore, the Big 12 system is flawed even more. How hard is it to get your tiebreaker scenarios right? If three teams are tied, standard circle-jerk rules apply. Last one to finish is the biscuit. In this case, there were two biscuits. Texas Tech is the official biscuit, because they lost last. But Texas is the one eating the biscuit. A big, nasty BCS covered biscuit because they lost to Okla…no, wait a second, they didn’t lose to Oklahoma. They beat Oklahoma in Aust….er..Norm….wait, no Dallas. A neutral site, one might call it, where neither team has a distinct home field advantage because the crowd is divided equally amongst both teams.

Oklahoma is, for all intents and purposes, being rewarded for blowing their collective wad too early. Where else in life is that rewarded? NOWHERE! So why should it work in college football?

All I’m saying is, if Oklahoma somehow loses against Mizzou, you bet your biscuits, Texas should be in the BCS championship game, conference title be damned. Oklahoma shouldn’t get another free pass like they did a few years ago when they lost in the Big 12 title game, only to be gifted a slot in the national championship game, only to get completely annihilated by USC.

3. Plaxico Burress, your life has finally become as silly as your name. If you didn’t want to play because you felt like being a crybaby, you could’ve just faked the hamstring injury you were already out for. You didn’t have to go and put a goddamn bullethole in it. We believed you when you said your hammy was hurting, no need to get crazy. No need to drag your teammates into it.

Here’s what gets me, Plax…is it okay if I call you, Plax? If the reason for carrying the gun is to protect oneself, wouldn’t it behoove said gun carrier to take a lesson in gun safety, or hell some sort of gun training course?

I mean, surely, you’ve heard the statistics that you’re more likely to harm someone you know than a stranger. I don’t know if they send you a letter in the mail when you actually become part of that statistic, but you should be expecting yours later this week. Actually, you know, I bet they email it.  You’ll probably get an email.

I just don’t get it, dude. Why do you need a gun anyway? Does it give you a boner to think of the power you hold by carrying a gun? You caught the game-winning touchdown against an undefeated team in the Super Bowl, for Christ’s sake. How much bigger of a boner do you need?

4. Hands down the best thing to come of the Plaxico accidental shooting was this – Marcellus Wiley on OTL
Outside the Lines interview with former Bills defensive end Marcellus Wiley. In the span of a three minute interview, Wiley manages to incriminate himself on at least two different crimes. First, he mentions the kind of weapon he carried and the type of holster. Secondly, he admits to it being unregistered, and on top of that admits to disposing of it by throwing it out of his car window while driving down the highway. Priceless….

By Jon…

As we look ahead to another Mavs season full of High expectations and disappointment, here are 10 things to look forward to:

1. Dirk is another year older and a little less effective, and even better news, he has less help than in previous years. I’m gonna steal a line from Bill Simmons here: The NBA…where frittering away your best player’s prime happens….

2. The first full year of the Jason Kidd experiment- Last year, we didn’t get to see the half of it. The Mavs tried to sneak Kidd into the mix way too late, and so they we’re destined to fail. But, worry not, Mavs fans, now we get a whole year to watch his old, crotchety ass bring us down from the inside like some kind of assist dropping, horrible shooting blackhole. On the plus side, though, we will get to see….

3. The return of “The Blur”- as Devin Harris was so preciously named two days after he was traded to the Nets. This still chaps me for some reason. He spent four years in Dallas and not one mention of a nickname. He goes to New Jersey and BAM!, he’s “The Blur”. It’s a pretty kick-ass nickname, if you ask me, and we should’ve thought of it first. I’m still holding out hope for Mavs Nation, though, because we can still give him a nickname. Just wait till the first time the Mavs play the Nets. Sometime in the middle of the the second quarter, The Blur is going to fly by Jason Kidd, dunk on him and be halfway back up the court, when Bob Ortegel, finally realizes what just happened, and says, “Wow, Mark, what was that? It all happened so fast,” and Mark Fallowill will say, “The Former Future of the Franchise just blew by Jason Kidd for an amazing dunk!!!”

And then he’ll have his new nickname in Dallas, Triple F, which ironically, is the same thing Mark Cuban will be screaming from the sideline, the Triple F, though with a slightly different connotation.

4. The return of Desagana Diop- It’s a good thing the Mavs had that mid-level exception, otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to throw undeserved money at a guy who was a throw-in on the Jason Kidd trade. I mean, it’s obvious the reason they didn’t get out of the first round last year because they we’re missing Diop. If the decision to sign Diop was a ball, Mark Cuban, “Diop-ed it like it’s hot…”

5. The Gerald Green signing- If there’s been one thing the Mavs have been missing all these years, it’s a dunk champion. It’s like a title team in Baseball not having a good pinch runner, or a Football team not having a good holder. You see what I’m getting at? Gerald Green is young, and maybe all he needed was to be put on a semi-competent team, but really? That’s the ace in the hole this year? Outside of a few highlight alley-oops from Jason Kidd, I don’t see this acquisition making a big impact. Unless the NBA made some rule change where instead of overtime, teams have to compete in a Blowing-Out-a-Candle-on-a-Cupcake-while-Dunking Contest.

6. The new Pre-Game Introductions- This year, the Pregame introductions are going to be super-sweet. Mark Cuban decided to consult Josh Howard this year to try and liven up the crowd a bit and drive concession sales.

Picture the scene: The road team’s just been introduced, and the lights go down…the black lights turn on, and the smoke begins to pour in. Except this year, it’s not a fog machine…it’s a smog machine. Josh Howard and all of his buddies have been taking bong rips for the last two hours to get enough smoke to smog out the AAC. The Mavs come stumbling out of the tunnel, ready to play some X-Box 360 NBA 2K8. Then they’ll sing the National Anthem then, much as they do when they play in Canada, they will sing a second Anthem, except this one will be just for Josh Howard, and what he does celebrate, Weed. J-Ho’s anthem will be, “Two Joints” by Sublime.

7. The jokes, the jokes will be great- I’m throwing this one in, spur of the moment, because it’s too priceless. I’m watching the first quarter of the Mavs season opener, and Josh Howard just went off for 8 points in the first 5 minutes. As TNT was cutting to commercial, Reggie Miller says, “It’s great to see Josh Howard starting off on a high..note..” He totally didn’t mean to do it, but there was a split second hesitation on Reggie Miller’s part where he realized what he was saying. Priceless.

8. Josh Howard again- J-Ho’s career can go two ways from here, good or bad. After watching him for the first few minutes of this game, Howard looks primed for a breakout, Eff-You season. He’s been listening to people in the media drag his name through the mud all year, and it looks like he’s taken it to heart. Granted it’s only one quarter so far, but he looks like he’s releasing a lot of his aggression on the Rockets. Let’s hope it continues. He’s got 13 points already, and the first quarter isn’t over. And he’s being covered by Ron Artest.

9. Little General gone- A friend of mine told me recently that a lot of Mavs said they didn’t want to play for the Mavs if Avery Johnson was still the coach. I’m not sure who his source was, but either way, getting rid of Avery was clearly a good decision.

10. I may be completely wrong on all of this. It’s really hard for me to write the back half of this story because I’m watching the Mavs game right now, and they look a lot better than I thought. Goddamnit, they sucked me again. HOW DO THEY DO THIS TO ME EVERY YEAR? And it only took 12 minutes this time.

GO MAVS!!

By Toph…

Well, it’s officially happened. Romo has ruined my life. Not only has he turned my 2 of my favorite things into complete shit. My fantasy team is done, and it’s his fault. Final Final blows and it’s his fault.

A Rams fan (who’s at Final Final every week) bought Ryan and I drinks on Sunday because he felt bad for us. Let me repeat that: He felt bad for us. Us. Cowboys fans. A Rams fan felt bad for us. So he bought us drinks. At what point does this start being funny?

I just couldn’t believe what I was watching on Sunday. When the second interception happened, I just started laughing. It wasn’t a pretty sight. I really thought I my insides were going to explode. I’m trying to figure out the movie character I was slowly becoming. It was like, I was mad, real mad. Then, that anger slowly became a calm, collected state. I just watched in awe. Lastly, I started laughing uncontrollably. It was a little sadistic.  But, I really can’t make any sense of any of this. This was your Super Bowl team. Now? There’s no quarterback, the electric rookie running back is injured, the shutdown corner is injured, the hard-hitting safety is done for the year, the changed life corner is suspended again and the new receiver who came home didn’t have a single catch. Could things be any worse for the Cowboys right now? Oh, right, Brad Johnson is the QB.

Wow, Brad Johnson was really terrible. Some of his throws, when he actually had time to throw, weren’t even remotely close. He overthrew T.O. by 10 ft. on one play and Roy Williams by 20 on another. I really wondered if Patrick Crayton could have done a better job as QB yesterday. Hell, I wondered if I could have done a better job at QB yesterday.

Oh, by the way, I’m not writing this a person who looks at the entire NFC East today. No, I’m writing this as a person from Dallas – a person who is hurting.

I’ve talked about this before, but I must reiterate this to my fellow Texans.

The Stars have only managed 1 win so far, and the Mavs season looks terribly bleak. I’m actually looking forward to the Rangers next year. The fucking World Series hasn’t been played and I’m looking forward to the Rangers. I’ve never looked forward to the goddamned Rangers. I HATE MY LIFE!!! I FUCKING HATE IT!!!

OK, it’s not over yet. Something could happen. Romo could come back this week, and be OK. Wade Phillips could suddenly grab a clue. Mark Cuban could make a trade and wake the old guys up. Dirk could go into I’m-doing-it-my-fucking-self mode and kill everyone on the court. Turco could learn how to stop a puck. The Stars could actually stop someone. The Rangers could get solid pitching in the offseason. These things could happen, Dallasites. I’m serious. It’s not over, yet. Just ask the people of New England. It could be worse.

Who am I kidding… GO LONGHORNS! (and Longhorns only)

By Toph…

I’ve decided that this is the year I become a hockey fan. I’ve always been a decent hockey spectator, but not really a fan. What I mean by that is when the Stars are in the playoffs, I watch the games and cheer for them. I’m sure there’s a sport you feel that way about, right? Most likely, it’s probably hockey, too.

But, last year, as the Stars made their way through the Western Conference playoffs, something happened to me. Maybe it was the thrill of seeing them beat a Bay Area team, coupled with watching it on HD. I don’t know. Maybe it was also the fact that my boss is a huge Red Wings fan. Again, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because of hockey moms like Sarah Palin. OK, I know that’s not why. What I do know is this is the year I consider myself a hockey fan.

You should, too, and here’s why:

1. The Mavs will rip your heart out and piss on it.
I can’t stress this enough, unless Mark Cuban decides to pull off a miracle trade, like Kidd and J-Ho for Kobe or Kidd and J-Ho to reunite Dirk and Nash, it’s not going to happen this year. They’ll be OK, and I’ll watch them, but I won’t be excited or thrilled. It’s like when the Cowboys were terrible. I watched, but I wasn’t excited about it. I don’t smile during the games. I don’t pump my fists. With hockey, I’ll pump my fists. I’ll celebrate, and you will too.

2. Oh, you’re probably not a Mavs fan.
That’s OK, because unless you’re in Portland, LA or Boston, you’re thinking the same thing I am. Let’s give the NBA some time to catch up. I’m not saying the thrill is gone, because I still love the NBA, but I need a longer break. Maybe it’s the Olympics fault or something. Preseason NBA just started, and I didn’t care. Did you? Did you get boners thinking about it? I’m sure you didn’t.

3. Fighting is cool.
It really is, and I forgot that until the Melee at Auburn Hills. In hockey fighting is not only acceptable, it’s encouraged. Not only that, but hand checking is the least of the offenses worry. Do you remember the outcry when Stackhouse took Shaq down in the NBA Finals?  Here’s the video to jog your memory. In hockey, this hit happens every 30 seconds.

4. Sidney Crosby is a badass.
The guy is like 7, and he’s killing it. The kid has already won a Hart Trophy, and unless #5 is as good as last year, he should get his second.

5. Alexander Ovechkin is a badass.
He’s like 10, and he’s killing it. He is last year’s Hart Trophy winner. He and Crosby are the new Kobe and LeBron. These guys are amazing to watch, and will be for a long time. It really must be nice to have a 2 studs ruling your league that people actually like. I’m talking about you, Kobe.

6. NHL 09 for PS3 and XBOX 360.
OK, admittedly I haven’t played it, mainly because I don’t own a PS3 or XBox, but all I hear is that the game is phenomenal. Games make the sport awesome, if they’re done right. Example: Madden is amazing, and so is football. Baseball games kind blows, and the MLB kind of blows. See? It makes sense.

7. There are about 6 teams who could win The Cup.
The Stars, Red Wings, Sharks, Penguins, Rangers and Canadiens are really badass. More importantly, you can afford tickets to all of their games. The NHL needs you to come to the games. The NBA hates you.

8. They’re hanging banners in Hockey Town tonight.
Find me a scarier place to play in sports. These guys ooze excellence. 4 Stanley Cups in 11 years on a night when they play the Original Six championship? And, they added Marian Hossa to defend the Cup. Plus, everyone wants to kick their ass for being the Yankees of hockey.

9. Ice Girls, the cheerleaders of the ice.
I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Ice Girls are hot. Especially, the Dallas Stars Ice Girls. Is there any reason for them? You mean besides looking awesome in tight clothing, right? Stop asking gay questions.

10. From Christian – It’s the only sport where Canadians are utterly dominant. Their beer is stronger, being topless is not only legal, it’s encouraged. They have mounted police, and the “canadian tuxedo” is made strictly of jeans.

11. Because The Bizzo is going to write about it.
It’s true, we are. We’re going to write about it, and you don’t want to be left out in the dark do you? The Biz is on the hockey bandwagon this year, and you should join us. It’s going to be awesome. The new Bizzo manta… ModanoBoners!