This was supposed to be the year that I rededicate myself to watching baseball. It was going to be awesome, too. I was going to see Lincecum go for another Cy Young. I was going to root for Zito, who has had a resurgence. I was going to watch the Rangers become relevant again. And, watch how they’ve actually developed something that’s resembled a pitching staff (Rich Harden!). I was going to watch more Yankee games, and discover if the Rays had really become the team to beat.

And, and, I was even going to travel to Oakland to watch some classic AL West showdowns with all 200 of the people attending those games.

Fuck, what happened? Well, sports depressed me again. You just cannot get used to sports failing you over and over again. And, really, shouldn’t we have barriers that protect us against this?

Here we are, it’s May. I’ve seen the Cowboys lose in the playoffs, the Mavs lose in the playoffs and the Stars fall short of the playoffs. Do I really want to watch the Rangers and Giants do the same?

And, it sucks for baseball, because it’s not their fault. I’m only human, and I need a break. Plus, let’s be honest here for one second. Isn’t seeing a 2 minute clip of Dez Bryant in OTAs a lot more exciting than 9 innings? I hate saying that, I do, but you know it’s true.

I’d like to shake hands with the guy that goes home, turns on the baseball game (the meaning a general week night regular season game) and doesn’t change the channel, or fall asleep with a beer in his hands. Admittedly, 2 innings in, and I’m playing Words with Friends. Oh right, the game is on.

Am I going to offer a solution here? Any sort of revelation that what you’ve just read has any meaning? No, this is an apology article, not a fix it article.

So, I’m sorry baseball. I’m sorry that by the time May comes around I’ve lost momentum and need something a bit more thrilling.

It’s not you… it’s me.

The Sports Bizzo Podcast 06.24.08

Toph being in New York didn’t stop this podcast from happening. Although, maybe it should have.

For odd reasons, here’s the only link I can recall needing – Johan.

In other news, The Bizzo is iPhone functional, with a sexy iPhone page.

You can also email us at TheSportsBizzo@gmail.com or add us on Twitter at http://twitter.com/TheSportsBizzo

Late.

PS… The girls above are athletes for a university somewhere… somehow…

By Toph…

This is my expose. I’ve touched on it in the podcast, and now I’m going all out.

I began playing baseball as a kid, and I’d like to think that it was during the heyday of baseball in America. We’re talking about the early 90’s here, so it was that long ago. Of course, this was pre-strike. A lot of things happened as a result of the baseball strike, but you’ve already heard about it. As a kid, “Baseball was Life, the Rest was Just Details” (“No Fear”). I’m even typing to you as a kid who grew up in Dallas, Texas. As much as football was branded into my life, baseball was always right there. I grew up idolizing guys like Don Mattingly, Ken Griffey Jr. Bobby Bonilla, Greg Maddux, Pudge, Nolan Ryan – the list can go on and on. These guys were heroes to me. Posters on wall, cards in books, bats and balls with autographs. My family took me to Arlington Stadium (later Ballpark in Arlington) every time the Yankees came to town. As I’ve mentioned, I was raised a Yankee. In an obscure bandwagon tale, I was raised to be like Donnie Baseball on 1st, and “The Kid” Junior Griffey in Center. I wore my #21 in pinstripes proudly, and truly believed baseball could save the world.

Baseball seemed like the most pure form of sport in the world. Good verses Evil (I later learned I was on the side of Evil). I thought that baseball players were people who played a game, and played it with all of their hearts. Then, I learned that pre-crazy Jose Canseco flipped off my friend Dusty when he asked for an autograph. This might have been the 6th grade. This might have been when baseball started losing its hold on American youth. A couple of years later, and I can’t remember the player (which pisses me off, because I hate saying things that I can’t backup), charged to get his autograph. This is a guy who gets to play baseball for a living, making thousands, if not millions, of dollars a year charging children for the opportunity to meet and get a signed baseball. Look, I get it. I understand that there are people out there who get these autographs for free, then turn around and sell it for $200, but to ask a kid to buy your signature is sad.

Here’s where I jump into the present, before going back into the past. Does that make sense?

Diabla and I went to Oakland to watch the Yankees play the A’s. I decided to do the math, and I’d like to share it with you. Maybe this is the next Mastercard commercial – 2 $40 tickets 3rd base, 22 rows back = $80.00. Parking in the General Admittance = $15. Beers were $7.50 a piece and we both had 2 = $30. Luckily, it was dollar dog night, and we ate 2 each =$4. Split some nachos for $5. Grand total of $134.00 (without talking about taxes and ticket service charge).

This was for 2 people. OK, $134 is not that bad, but we don’t have kids. Therefore, we don’t have to buy cotton candy, ice cream, foam fingers, stuffed animals and everything else the ballpark throws at us.

Basically, and I’m sorry about this, but fuck you MLB. A Wednesday night game, where Kyle Farnsworth makes an appearance should never cost this much. All of this goes back to the “Strike-Shortened Season”. See, I told you I’d find a way to bring it back. As you know, baseball was so desperate to get fans back into the seats, they allowed things to go on that has tarnished the game. Mostly, Sosa and McGwire. The steroids, the bat umpires, the ridiculous money and attitudes, and the major league office are what’s wrong and what will be wrong with the game. It’s kind of a double edge sword, and like I said my team is the root of the problem. Look at the Yankees, $200 million dollar payroll, and they’re sitting at .500. Are you kidding me? Meanwhile, the good guys like Mark Texeria, Josh Hamilton, Johan Santana, etc, are/were playing for teams till their contracts run out and they can sign with the big spending teams. How is this far? OK, it’s fair, because it’s like that in corporate America, but aren’t teams like the Rangers, Twins, Phillies basically like more expensive farm teams for the Yankees, Red Sox and Mets? Why are we spending $150 to watch guys that don’t give two shits about us? Why should we care about them? They’re just going to leave us at the drop of a hat, right?

When Pudge won a World Series ring, after being with the Rangers for so long, I thought, “I’m so happy for him.” Why was I happy with him? Because he left the miserable hole that is Arlington to go to a franchise that bought a World Series? It’s bullshit.

I’m actually going to commend the Yankees. When forced to part with the prized prospects of Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy for Johan Santana the Yankees passed on the deal. Of course, as of right now it’s biting them in the ass, but it’s a move that was respectful to the fans. We’re the people who want to see the guys succeed, or fail miserably. Why invest all that time if you know they’re going to leave you?

I see the other side of the coin. I mean, it’s like dating, right? Why date since there’s the chance she’s going to leave you? But, it’s totally different. It’s not like you kept dating these girls, and they leave you for the same handful of sexier gents, is it? Otherwise, you’d eventually stop dating, wouldn’t you?

Is that what’s going to happen to baseball? With the undeserving records, the ongoing steroids investigations, the half-ass game that’s played and the ridiculous salaries for guys who play .500 ball (looking at you Yankees) – aren’t we going to stop caring about the game? Shouldn’t we stop? Why keep caring about baseball, when baseball stopped caring about us a long time ago?

By Christian..

First and foremost, I’d like to thank Toph and Jon for inviting me to participate in the riveting, moving sports Mecca that is The Sports Bizzo. It is truly an honor to be a part of the site and movement that is sure to supplant ESPN at the top of the sports world in three months, tops.

Secondly, I’d like to briefly introduce myself. My name is Christian. There. Glad that’s over.

Now, let’s move on to more important things. Like, say, the Braves/Mets series. Being on the east coast visiting my parents has allowed me to catch a few of the Braves/Mets games on SNY. I would catch them in SF on a frequent basis if I could, but Ted Turner decided to ruin my life and sell the Braves and that means they’re no longer shown all over the country on the once-glorious, but now strictly Family-Matters-Rerun-based TBS. But, that’s a whole other bag of tricks that we’re not going to dip our magic fingers into.

Where were we? Braves/Mets? Right…

So, I was watching tonight’s game and couldn’t help but wonder why I have such a visceral and enduring hatred for the Mets. I mean, I really do hate them. When they get a base hit or a strikeout or do anything remotely successful, my fists clench, my eyes widen, and I start throwing things. Hell, I threw a gravy-boat at my mom tonight just because David Wright didn’t airmail a throw to first. It’s really that bad.

I’m not exactly sure where the hatred originated; only that the hatred has grown like it’s going through puberty over the last few years. It went from a cute little pre-pubescent hatred, sort of funny and quaint and adorable, to a pimple-faced, crackly-voiced, hormonally raging hatred, complete with hot flashes, turrets-like outbursts, and even a nasty habit of frequenting Mets blogs just to taunt the fans when their team is playing like crap.

My reasons for talking about the hatred are two-fold. First, I feel like you Bizzoers are going to be very compassionate with my plight and your support and readership and brilliance will get me through this trying time. Secondly, and more importantly, I want to see if any of you have similarly intense hatreds for any of your favorite team’s arch rivals.

I know Toph does. The Golden State Warriors are the Paris Hilton to Toph’s Nicole Richie. Or maybe vice-versa, since Toph is kind of flashy and rich and trendy like Paris is. And he didn’t recently give birth to a child with a member of Good Charlotte. Whatever. It’s not like Benji Madden didn’t try.

Anyway, point is that this kind of hatred can be immensely fun. It’s great to root for your favorite team, but it can be especially gratifying to root against your least favorite. This is particularly true if your team is in last place, but your enemies are on the brink of going to the playoffs and you know a loss will be just horrendously destructive and crushing for their fan base. It’s like winning the world series of loathing if your rooting against them causes them to be eliminated (and trust me, it’s not their poor play that caused them to lose- it was your negativity shooting through the television screen and permeating all of their souls).

Hatred for arch rivals can be even more wonderful than the joy your own favorite team brings you.

So tell me, Bizzoers, for whom does your hatred seethe? What team gets you out of your armchair and into the tv’s face? What team gets your heart racing unnecessarily and makes you want to punch out your young child when they ask innocently “Daddy, what’s wrong?”

I hope just thinking about it will set your blood boiling.

Good day.

By Toph…

OK, maybe they’re not your Texas Rangers, but they’re someone’s right? I’ve admitted both privately, and finally publicly, that I loathe the Rangers. I have been a Yankees fan for quiet sometime now, and that’s OK. However, since the Rangers are my hometown team, I can’t help but to follow their goings-on. Let’s ask ourselves, is there a bigger train wreck of a team in sports? I’m not talking about right now either. No, I mean in the history of sports. I’d like to make the case, right in the middle of another 7 game losing streak (the longest losing streak dating all the way back to ’05), that the Texas Rangers are the worst team in the history of professional sports.

Let’s start with the obvious. The Texas Rangers have never been to a World Series. There are only 4 teams in the MLB who has never been to the World Series. The other 3 are the Tampa Bay Rays (in existence since 1998), Seattle Mariners, and the Montreal Expos/Washington Nationals. Obviously, the Rays don’t count, because 10 years is not enough to be factored in. The Mariners have won 2 American League Divisional Series, which is 2 more than the Rangers. The Expos/Nationals won a playoff series in 1981, and are widely “considered” the champs of the 1994 strike-shortened season. Then you have the Rangers, who have never won a playoff series. How is this even possible? I’ll give some credit, in 1994 the Rangers were in 1st in the standings, but again, the strike prevented the postseason. What followed was a sad, pathetic string of facing the Yankees in the playoffs. In their first meeting in ’96 the Rangers did manage to get a win. They returned to the playoffs consecutively in ’98 and ’99 only to get swept by the Yankees.

In the history of the Texas Rangers, a history that began as the Washington Senators in 1961, they have won 1 playoff game. We’re talking about 47 years with only 1 playoff win. But, the argument I’m trying to make here isn’t just with the Rangers. It’s with the history of professional sports. Let’s take ESPN’s “10 Worst Franchises to be a Fan of” and compare. Granted, this list is relatively old, it’s still a good point of reference, and most of the franchises are still terrible.

10. Boston Bruins – The Bruins hold 4 Stanley Cups, with their last coming in the 1971-1972 season. This alone takes them out of the running.

9. Florida Marlins – I don’t care if they do purchase a team then sell them off the next year. Point is, the team they purchase ends up winning the World Series. The Marlins came into existence in 1993, and have already won 2 World Series. This is not even fair.

8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Again, how is this even fair? Never mind that they were consistently in the playoffs from 1996 to last year, they won the Super Bowl in 2002.

7. New Jersey Nets – Seriously, this isn’t even hard. Anytime you at least go to a Finals, you’re not classified as a loser. I wish the Rangers could be realistically compared to these teams. It would make this a more interesting read. I thought it would be, I’m sorry. Keep reading anyways. I’m sure it gets better.

6. New York Islanders – Oh, come on! I really thought this would get better. Anytime you have a team that went through dynasty years, winning 4 Stanley Cups you don’t belong in this conversation. I don’t care if it was 40 years ago.

5. Kansas City Royals – Luckily, I didn’t say in the past 10 years, because the Royals have a legitimate argument. However, in the late 70′s and early 80′s the Royals were a good team. This includes 4 ALCS appearances, a World Series appearance in 1980 and a World Series win in 1985. Because of this their recent struggles don’t matter.

4. Arizona Cardinals – This was a team that worried me, but again, they’re not as bad as the Rangers. I’m not even going to mention the incredible movie that was made about an athlete and his agent, because that alone makes them better. I’m also not even going to mention their success before relocating to Tempe. I’m only going to talk about them beating the Cowboys in 1998. This is what I call advancing in the playoffs.

3. Los Angeles Clippers – This is another team I was frightened of because they are terrible. Since moving to LA in 1984, they had their first winning season in the 1991-1992 season. The Clippers went to the playoff sthat year, and won 2 games of 3. One more playoff win than the Rangers. They also returned the next year, and again won 2 games of 3. Then, in 2005-2006 season, they won their first playoff series against Denver 4 games to 1. Plus, they have Frankie Muniz as a fan.

2. Cincinnati Bengals – They’ve been to 2 Super Bowls, and had an Icky Shuffle. Anytime you have a nationwide dance phenomenon you can’t be in the rankings.

1. Chicago Cubs – Sure, they haven’t won a World Series since 1908. But, they did beat the Braves in the 2003 NLDS. This alone makes them better off than the Rangers.

Now, this can’t be all, right? No, let’s look at some also receiving votes.

- Detroit Lions – Sorry, they also beat the Cowboys in the first round in 1991.

I’m pretty close to making my point, even though you probably believe me already. I’m not quite finished. The Rangers have had good, exciting players. For some reason, these guys just couldn’t get it done. Even in the 90′s they were running out Juan Gonzalez, Pudge Rodriguez, Rusty Greer and the like. They had Nolan Ryan! Ruben Sierra, Alex Rodriguez, Dean Palmer, Rafael Palmeiro, Steve Buchele and Pete Incaviglia. Since Tom Hicks took over they have been in the top 5 of major league spending every year. They had a rotation in the 90′s of Nolan Ryan, Charlie Hough, Bobby Witt, Kevin Brown, and Kenny Rogers. This is a good staff that couldn’t get it done. Here were are, over 10 years later, and they still can’t get it done. The have signed free agents and made decent deals for prospects, including last year’s trade of Mark Teixiera for 5 Atlanta prospects. However, here they are mired in losing.

At this point, it’s not like things are looking up, either. They’re currently in last, 8 games back, and have no signs of looking up. Since 1999, they haven’t finished hirer than 3rd, and they have no plans to start. They’re a sad miserable franchise, and it’s not going to change until they sign Rick “Wild Thang” Vaughn, Jake Taylor and Willy Mays Hayes (possibly Pedro Cerrano). Hope you’re not a Rangers fan. If so, it’s going to be a long road of suck ahead.