I mean, we are a sports blog, and we’re supposed to write about sports, right? It really only seems logical that we’d talk about the Super Bowl. Who’s even playing this year? Oh, come on now, you don’t think I know who’s playing? I threw a party when the Saints beat the Favre’s. Sometimes, but pure accident, I call Diabla “Manning” in bed. Pretty sure this is going to be one of the most exciting Super Bowls we’ve seen in a long effin’ time.

The problem I’m having here is that I don’t care who wins. I mean, I do, but I actually like both of these teams. Like is a strong word, maybe respect is better. Do I want the Saints to win so that the city of New Orleans is somehow finally saved from Katrina? Yes. Do I want Manning to become the greatest QB to ever live, just so he might appear on Saturday Night Live again? Yes.

It’s a win win for everyone here. Plus, if the Colts do win, then we finally get to push Joe Montana aside, and say that Peyton Manning is hands down the best. The guy is throwing to Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie (and, some dude named Dallas). He has a nonexistent running game (trust me, I had Addai on my fantasy team), and really doesn’t have a head coach. That’s some impressive shit right there.

The Saints, on the other hand, have “all the components.” Amazing offense, decent defense, Kim Kardashian and great coaching. There is also that small the-whole-nation-besides-Indy-people-are-rooting-for-you thing. Can you beat a team when the entire free world is rooting against you? I just wish this wasn’t the Colts playing on Sunday. Wouldn’t it be a little more fitting if the Pats were playing against the Saints? How easy would it be to root against the Pats? The issue is that I just can’t root against either of these teams. If they were playing the Cowboys? Definitely.

But, shit, they’re both so likable. So what does the rest of us do? (Rest us being non-New Orleans/Indianapolis residents) Well, we eat a shitton of food, watch an amazing game and hope for a lot of cheerleader shots.

My useless prediction? Saints 24 – Colts 21 (The pride of Southlake and my fantasy draft, Garrett Hartley, wins it again for the Saints. Shortly after the Super Bowl he becomes the official spokesperson for Adderall.)

The Sports Bizzo Podcast 2.01.09

Toph and Jon welcome guest EMAN as they breakdown the good and bad of Super Bowl XLIII, commercials and Mario Kart.

And as usual…

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Right, so we’ve forgotten to do a big Super Bowl Prediction post.

We’re fucking retarded, and were too busy planning the after the Super Bowl podcast, which, will be awesome. We’ll have Christian, Ray, Ryan and Eman on to discuss their favorite parts of the game. So, check it out Monday (unless we’re too drunk to do it). To make for it, here are chicks from both sides. Hotness is subjective.

Anyways, Toph says Cardinals, because he hate the Steelers 24 – 21.

Jon says Steelers 27 – 17, but wants the Cardinals to win.

Christian says whoever is in the lead is who he’ll be rooting for.

Enjoy!

By Toph…

Wow, there’s a lot going on in sports, and as much as I’d like to write about it all separately, I don’t have time. Truth is, I barely have time to do anything besides work and make love. But, you’re important to me Bizzos… So, I’m here for you.

Let’s start with baseball, since it’s not in season or relevant right now. Joe Torre is ripping the Yankees? Really? The team that made him who he is? Good for you Joe. You know what’s cool? Not giving the Yankees complete credit for sticking with you. I mean, you only had the best talent every year. This is like being the nerd in high school, dating the head cheerleader, then breaking up with her once you become popular. Only, you write a book about how her vag smells like sweaty chode. You ungrateful bastard.

Speaking of the Yankees (and Braves?), apparently David Justice did steroids. This is impressive to me. David Justice, the biggest vagina in sports did steroids. Wasn’t his fucking house burned down by Left Eye or T-Boz? Good for you, David Justice. How many headlines are going to read, “David Un-Justice?”

Really, Joe Torre, and you’re going to talk about how no one liked A-Rod? Shocking.

The Rangers are already 20 games out of first place, and Spring Training hasn’t even begun. But, hey, look on the bright side, Rangers Fan, we might get Ben Sheets. Millwood, Padilla and Sheets. Get ready! And, yes, fan is singular for a reason.

On Saturday I woke up early to watch the Mavs get pwned by the Celtics. (I’ve decided to start using pwned. Am I too late on this? It’s not like I’m w00t!ing or anything.) By halftime, Mavs down damn near 30, I went back to bed and cried myself back to sleep. I have no faith in this team. Seeing Gerald Green in a suit made me think, “Fuck, Gerald Green IS a Mav.” What happened to this team? I think it’s time to send Cuban an email asking him, for all of our sanity, to fix it. I’m more depressed about the Mavs than the economy.

Did you hear TO is getting his own reality show on VH1? It’s definitely the right step in the Cowboys character cleansing. I’m not gonna lie, I’m really hoping to see him show up on the BangBros set again. Yep, next year is looking promising, Boys.

Super Bowl is this weekend, and I’ve officially seen no coverage. Who can watch Super Bowl coverage of a team that’s about to have more trophies than the Cowboys? OK, and when The CW keeps churning out television gold. Oh, I’m the only one watching Privileged? It’s my wife’s fault…

I’m such a little bitch. I feel like Dallas Sports fans are currently the most downtrodden fans in the nation. Yeah, eff you, Seattle. We expect to win, and it’s not happening. We expect winners, and the fucking Arizona Cardinals are in the Super Bowl. The Stars are finally out of last place, the Mavs make me want to kill myself and the Rangers, well, there was an entire Uni Watch devoted the damn Rangers.

What have we done to deserve this?

Never mind, maybe you shouldn’t answer that.

By Jon…

I once had a friend who believed in conspiracy theories. He had a theory for everything. Everything was a conspiracy. Nothing was what it seemed. The few control the many, he would say. And to some extent, I kind of believed him. Business makes the world go round. People do shitty things to other people to get what they want. You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, you know.

But as with any conspiracy nut, some of their theories are just downright retarded. And they’re always the last to know or the hardest to convince.

I bring this up because one of his theories is being disproved as we speak.

The Arizona Cardinals are not only playing in an NFC Championship Game, they’re hosting the son of a bitch.

You can’t write this stuff, I swear.

The Arizona desert has probably seen more Super Bowls than the Cowboys, Steelers, and 49ers combined, but never because they actually had a team involved. They have kick ass weather in January (and, inexplicably, February these days) and their team has always been so abysmal, that the League never had to worry about that awful accident where the Super Bowl host also fielded a Super Bowl team.

The Cardinals have always been a joke. In fact, the Cards “Quarterback of the Future” Matt Leinart was actually dumped on pretty hard for staying in college another year and getting drafted by the Cards, rather than come out after a national championship and Heisman year and being drafted by the 49ers. Actually, a lot of the grumbling was about how much money he lost by waiting, but still. The 49ers are down, but they are a storied franchise with a lineage of great Quarterbacks. The Cardinals have a history of what?

Hosting Super Bowls?

But if you take a good luck at the Cardinals team and the season they’ve had, maybe we should have seen this coming.

They have an aging quarterback in Warner who has spent his entire career as an out of nowhere success story and perennial underdog. He rose to the top with the Rams, fell from grace with a number of other teams, and then the Cardinals gave up on him when they drafted Leinart.

So they’ve got that going for them. The, as Bill Simmons would call it, “no one believed in us potential”

They’ve drafted smartly over the last few years, picking up Boldin, Fitzgerald, and surprise RB Tim Hightower.

But I think the smartest thing they did was hire Ken Whisenhunt. The Cards have always had bad coaches. But Whisenhunt, though unproven as a head coach, has a good pedigree. He came to the Cards from Pittsburgh, where he coached under Bill Cowher. Pittsburgh has always prided itself on being a blue collar team from a blue collar town, and Cowher embodied all of that.

By coaching under Cowher, Whisenhunt learned how to win, and he brought that blue collar mentality with him to the desert….

Either that, or my friend’s Prophecy of The Birdpeople was right. When the year struck 2009, and America was at its weakest economically, The Birdpeople would send a transmission from on high, down to the pathetic Earthlings. A perennial loser from a state that I often times forget exists since the NFL Divisional realignment, would rise to the top of the football world by systematically dismantling all other teams with bird names in the league, starting with the Seahawks in the regular season, the Falcons in the first round, the Eagles in the NFC Championship game, and the Ravens in the Super Bowl. During the post-game press conference, Whisenhunt will remove his people suit, and reveal his true self. He’s a 9 foot bird who breathes fire and sells Lay’s potato chips. He will then reveal that the Cards Super Bowl run was simply a ruse, paid for by Frito-Lay, to unveil the newest taste in the Flavor Spectrum.

You wanna know what the new flavor is, don’t you?

Guess you’ll just have to watch and see…

By EMAN…

Three weeks into the 2008 NFL season the Tennessee Titans are looking more and more like the team to beat in the AFC. As you might recall, the Titans were my sentimental pick earlier in the year, but as much as I loved VY, I couldn’t officially go with them because of the dominance of the Indianapolis Colts. But, lo and behold, the AFC south currently has a combined record of 5-6 and three of those wins belong to the Titans. With the recent collapse of VY, the Titans might have received a blessing in disguise. Just go ask Merrill Hoge, who has absolutely no love for VY and thinks the Titans are better off without his services which in the end might turn out to be true. Currently, the Titans have the best defense in the league, holding their opponents to an average of 9.7 points a game through the first 3 games of the season. The Titans schedule is very favorable, as there next 3 opponents have a combined record of 3-5. The Titans have a very balanced offense with the emergence of rookie RB Chris Johnson and a defense that is very stingy, it will not be a surprise if they continue their early season dominance and extend it through the rest of the year and into the playoffs.

On the other hand the reigning AFC south champs have stumbled and currently hold a 1-2 record after falling on a last second field goal to division rival, the Jacksonville Jaguars. From the start of the season, the Colts have been plagued by injuries. Pro Bowl Safety Bob Sanders and defensive captain is out 4-6 weeks with a high-ankle sprain. Jeff Saturday and Dallas Clark, who have also been stung by injuries, played for the first time against the Jaguars this past weekend. The schedule does not get any easier after they return from their bye week.  They face the Titans twice, Packers, Patriots, Steelers, Chargers and the Jaguars. The Colts could possibly miss the playoffs for the first time in six years.

As mentioned earlier the Jaguars sneaked by the Colts this past weekend and are hoping to ride the emotional wave of the big win. The Jaguars might have found the answer to their problems, which is run and run some more. (On a side note, Coach Del Rio, please give Fred Taylor the ball, I need the freaking fantasy points!). The RB combination of Taylor and Jones-Drew racked up 228 yards on 45 carries and 1 TD. This week’s game should prove to be another running fest against the Texans. But, after this week, the Jaguars will be tested by the Steelers and Broncos before their bye week.

At the bottom of the AFC south we find the Houston Texans who sport a stupendous record of 0-2. God bless you Texans. There is nothing more to say, you are a sorry excuse for an NFL franchise. Since 2002 the Texans have a record of 32-66. Seriously? I think I just found Los Angeles an NFL team, just hire Pete Carroll and everything will work out.

Yes folks the season is very early, but that’s the beauty of it all, someone has to make outlandish predictions. Titans to the Super Bowl, check that I am not the only crazy one.

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